Neil Warnock’s nickname among the football fraternity is ‘Colin’. That’s because if you take all the letters of ‘Colin’ from his actual name, you’re left with ‘wanker’, which is what most people think he is. Hopefully, Jason Cundy’s middle name begins with ‘T’. Then we can all adopt a similar approach by referring to him as ‘Jasondy’ from now on.
Cundy played for Spurs and Chelsea, openly supports Chelsea and worked on Chelsea TV as a presenter, so I can accept he dislikes Arsenal. And, of course, he works on TalkShite, where the policy is to slate Arsenal as much as possible to get the expensive phone lines ringing. So it’s a given he will be about as praising of us as the National Union of Hookers is of the Crossbow Killer.
However, a look through TalkShite’s review of the year, which is focusing on a different ‘moment of the year’ each day, from each of its presenters and pundits, reveals that if he was a schoolkid and Arsenal were a girl, everyone would think he fancies her because he can’t stop picking on her.
The review has been running for three days. Day one featured the presenters’ game of the year. While Ian ‘Moose’ Abrahams chose Dagenham & Redbridge v Rotherham in the League Two play-off final, and the usually idiotic Adrian Durham gave the measured response of Arsenal 2-2 Barcelona “because it showed quality from Barca, spirit from Arsenal, and Theo Walcott showing what he’s capable of", Cundy picked Arsenal v Tottenham. That’s not unreasonable. On its own, at least.
But to then follow it up with Lionel Messi’s entire hat-trick in the goal (not three goals) of the year, followed by “Arsenal qualifying for this season’s Champions League” as his ‘biggest cock up of the year’, Cundy has shown he is, well, a complete Cundy.
In light of this, I’m carrying out my own review of the year, starting with the following category:
Favourite sportsman getting caught cheating on his wife in 2010:
Jason Cundy’s affair with Hannah Pedley being discovered by a family member who overheard him talking dirty to her on his mobile. (Click to read more)
Happy Christmas Jase.
Wednesday 22 December 2010
Tuesday 14 December 2010
Love hurts...
When I was young there was this girl. She was beautiful, attractive and a pleasure to be around. She wasn’t tough or butch like the other girls. In fact, she was a bit vulnerable. But that was part of the attraction – I wanted to fight for her and protect her.
I courted her for a long time, singing her praises, focusing on her positives and her attractiveness, telling everyone about her potential. I fought for her and, eventually, we came to the edge of something special.
Then, despite all the promises and all the supposed shared desire, there was a sudden turn. I waited you see, but she didn’t turn up. The time and place was all agreed, there was an air of optimism and excitement. We were on the brink of proving everyone wrong when, without warning, she simply failed to show up.
In a moment I was crushed, as the realisation hit me that it wasn’t to be. I thought about pursuing it further, trying to force something. But I realised that you can’t make people want something. They either have the passion and the desire for it or they don’t. It’s either in them to want to make it happen, to create something special, or it isn’t. It’s down to them and them only and, if the fire doesn’t burn inside, then there is little you can do to change things.
So I gave up hoping. Dejected, I turned my thoughts to other things, blocking her out of my mind, ignoring what might have been. While I hurt on the inside and it ate away at me, on the outside I gave the impression, at least, that I was strong and together.
Then, after some time had passed, I saw her father. I brought myself to ask him what had happened. Why had all our promises been broken? Why did we not have what we thought we had? Why would we not be what we had the potential to be?
“The pitch was shit,” he said.
I courted her for a long time, singing her praises, focusing on her positives and her attractiveness, telling everyone about her potential. I fought for her and, eventually, we came to the edge of something special.
Then, despite all the promises and all the supposed shared desire, there was a sudden turn. I waited you see, but she didn’t turn up. The time and place was all agreed, there was an air of optimism and excitement. We were on the brink of proving everyone wrong when, without warning, she simply failed to show up.
In a moment I was crushed, as the realisation hit me that it wasn’t to be. I thought about pursuing it further, trying to force something. But I realised that you can’t make people want something. They either have the passion and the desire for it or they don’t. It’s either in them to want to make it happen, to create something special, or it isn’t. It’s down to them and them only and, if the fire doesn’t burn inside, then there is little you can do to change things.
So I gave up hoping. Dejected, I turned my thoughts to other things, blocking her out of my mind, ignoring what might have been. While I hurt on the inside and it ate away at me, on the outside I gave the impression, at least, that I was strong and together.
Then, after some time had passed, I saw her father. I brought myself to ask him what had happened. Why had all our promises been broken? Why did we not have what we thought we had? Why would we not be what we had the potential to be?
“The pitch was shit,” he said.
Wednesday 8 December 2010
It is a funny old game
Football’s a serious business: players cost millions of pounds and earn millions more each year in wages; clubs in northern industrial cities where the heart of the town has been ripped out and poverty reins as a result of the collapse of UK industry offer escapism for local people; and thousands of office staff, whole small businesses and endless suppliers survive on the money flowing into and out of the game.
So it’s great when this serious business gives you something to laugh about.
I laughed when Liverpool were third from bottom in the Premier League and, on a statue of John Lennon at the city’s airport that carries the words “above us only sky”, someone wrote “below us only Wolves and West Ham”.
I laughed when Liverpool’s Lucas, generally considered a disaster of a midfielder, was suspended for their game against West ham – and rumour had it West Ham were planning to appeal the suspension.
And I laughed when Gazza turned up to the Raoul Moat siege with a bucket of six chicken pieces, two large fries, a gravy, a small beans and a diet coke from KFC.
This week, we yet again get to laugh at Newcastle. The decision to sack Chris Hughton has been met with dismay in the football world, after he’d brought them up from the Championship without spending any real money, got them to 11th in the league, secured wins at home to deadly rivals Sunderland and away to Arsenal, and was working for a pittance by football manager standards.
It does stink a bit of bad chairmanship. Mike Ashley will probably be in touch with the England cricket selectors this week to advise them to drop the first team for beating the Aussies in the second test.
Whether Hughton would have kept Newcastle up or not, we will never know. They had failed to win for several games and got thumped in their last two away games, so it’s possible they would have ended up dropping into trouble. But what is laughable is the board’s reasons for sacking him: “To appoint a manager with more Premier League experience”.
Hmmm… who better then than Alan Pardew, whose Premier League experience can be summed up as leading West Ham through their worst run of defeats in over 70 years during the 2006-07 season, culminating in his sacking, and getting Charlton relegated from the Premier League the same year.
Despite this, he should fit in just fine at Newcastle with the likes of Joey Barton and Andy Carroll etc. Aside from having the type of judgment that thinks it’s ok to say “Michael Essien absolutely rapes Ched Evans” on Match of the Day 2, it’s well rumoured around the football world that Pardew was sacked from both West Ham and Southampton for having affairs with players’ wives. That may or may not be true. If it is, I hope he picks Joey Barton’s wife.
That would be very funny.
So it’s great when this serious business gives you something to laugh about.
I laughed when Liverpool were third from bottom in the Premier League and, on a statue of John Lennon at the city’s airport that carries the words “above us only sky”, someone wrote “below us only Wolves and West Ham”.
I laughed when Liverpool’s Lucas, generally considered a disaster of a midfielder, was suspended for their game against West ham – and rumour had it West Ham were planning to appeal the suspension.
And I laughed when Gazza turned up to the Raoul Moat siege with a bucket of six chicken pieces, two large fries, a gravy, a small beans and a diet coke from KFC.
This week, we yet again get to laugh at Newcastle. The decision to sack Chris Hughton has been met with dismay in the football world, after he’d brought them up from the Championship without spending any real money, got them to 11th in the league, secured wins at home to deadly rivals Sunderland and away to Arsenal, and was working for a pittance by football manager standards.
It does stink a bit of bad chairmanship. Mike Ashley will probably be in touch with the England cricket selectors this week to advise them to drop the first team for beating the Aussies in the second test.
Whether Hughton would have kept Newcastle up or not, we will never know. They had failed to win for several games and got thumped in their last two away games, so it’s possible they would have ended up dropping into trouble. But what is laughable is the board’s reasons for sacking him: “To appoint a manager with more Premier League experience”.
Hmmm… who better then than Alan Pardew, whose Premier League experience can be summed up as leading West Ham through their worst run of defeats in over 70 years during the 2006-07 season, culminating in his sacking, and getting Charlton relegated from the Premier League the same year.
Despite this, he should fit in just fine at Newcastle with the likes of Joey Barton and Andy Carroll etc. Aside from having the type of judgment that thinks it’s ok to say “Michael Essien absolutely rapes Ched Evans” on Match of the Day 2, it’s well rumoured around the football world that Pardew was sacked from both West Ham and Southampton for having affairs with players’ wives. That may or may not be true. If it is, I hope he picks Joey Barton’s wife.
That would be very funny.
Monday 6 December 2010
Gary Lineker. He’s alright really…
Arsenal’s rise to the top of the Premier League has given the media a tricky conundrum. Praising us would mean admitting they got it wrong when every single one of them said we’d be lucky to get in the top six this season, let alone mount a serious title challenge. Writing us off would look like a serious bout of sour grapes. While tipping us to win it would simply go against their anti-Arsenal stance.
Fortunately for them, our less-than-convincing route to the top, combined with Chelsea dropping points like Simon Cowell drops fat women from the X-Factor, means the media can fall back on the “Arsenal aren’t winning it, Chelsea are losing it” get-out clause.
Lawrenson and Hansen have adopted this approach on the BBC. Lawro and Al are each paid a staggering £1m a year by the BBC and are each chauffeur-driven - in separate cars, despite living a stone’s throw from one another - to and from their Scouse penthouses.
And what do you get for those extortionate salaries, paid for by our licence fee? Asked recently whether Arsenal have enough mount a serious title challenge, Hansen offered the following insight: “No.”
That’s a million pounds well spent.
Others have adopted a different approach. TalkSport have been largely ignoring the Premier League, focusing instead on the failed World Cup bid. At least Arsenal are saved from criticism there. Oh, apart from Adrian Durham saying Andrey Arsharvin “shouldn’t be welcome back in England for what he did to us” – namely, supporting his own nation’s bid and, when they won, sitting respectfully so not to antagonise the England delegation seated next to him. That’s the same TalkSport that wanted Eduardo banned for ten games for what is a yellow card offence for every other player, though. And the same Adrian Durham who said the only thing Eduardo ever achieved is to make himself a hero by breaking his leg. So let’s not bother ourselves with them.
Over on Sky, the mocked-up penthouse overlooking a picture of Stamford Bridge was this week’s location for the four Sunday Supplement journalists discussing title credentials. Their approach was to point out that Chelsea’s meltdown, combined with the lack of any other genuine contenders, has left the door open for Manchester United to storm away with it. No mention of the Arsenal at all, other than from one idiot who said of our defensive clash of heads for Fulham’s goal: “Koscielny has a lot to answer for. He takes a slight knock on the head and simply stops defending. Tony Adams would have brushed it off and carried on.” That’s the same Laurent Koscielny who was stretchered off, went to hospital, and will now miss a month with severe concussion. But yeah, he should have played on.
Amid all of this, though, is one voice of reason. And from an unsuspecting source. Gary Lineker, albeit probably driven by the embarrassment of Hansen and Lawrenson failing to give any genuine insight, can regularly be heard probing away on why Arsenal can’t win it.
Lineker is even openly tipping us to mount a credible challenge – something unheard of in media circles: “Will [Man U] improve massively on last season? Unlikely. I've got a sneaky feeling for Arsenal. They will have a chance,” he says.
Lineker, it seems, is breaking the mould of the traditional “say the popular thing people want hear” pundit in favour of genuinely trying to stir up a debate.
Apparently, it was Lineker who shouted his mouth off that England had gone out at round one of that boring World Cup bid thing – the BBC ran a breaking news strapline that said “Lineker tells BBC that England have gone out at round one”, before swiftly changing it to “An England source tells BBC that England have gone out at round one”.
And he’s combining it with some genuinely candid views: "The night before the vote I was ushered off to hang around the hotel lobby where all the Executive Committee were and to speak to the ones I knew. You feel like some sort of stalker waiting to pounce. We waited for our prey. What concerned me though, was that none of the Russians, Spanish or Dutch were doing the same.”
Lineker at least seems to have an opinion that isn’t just what he’s heard everyone else saying or something designed purely to stir up controversy. That may be because he’s an anchor (I’ve called him something close to that before) rather than a pundit. But either way it’s a bit more refreshing than the idiots on TalkSport and Sky. Let’s hope he’s just as good at predicting Arsenal’s chances of mounting a serious title challenge this year. That’ll wipe the smug million-pound smiles off the faces of Lawro and Hansen.
Fortunately for them, our less-than-convincing route to the top, combined with Chelsea dropping points like Simon Cowell drops fat women from the X-Factor, means the media can fall back on the “Arsenal aren’t winning it, Chelsea are losing it” get-out clause.
Lawrenson and Hansen have adopted this approach on the BBC. Lawro and Al are each paid a staggering £1m a year by the BBC and are each chauffeur-driven - in separate cars, despite living a stone’s throw from one another - to and from their Scouse penthouses.
And what do you get for those extortionate salaries, paid for by our licence fee? Asked recently whether Arsenal have enough mount a serious title challenge, Hansen offered the following insight: “No.”
That’s a million pounds well spent.
Others have adopted a different approach. TalkSport have been largely ignoring the Premier League, focusing instead on the failed World Cup bid. At least Arsenal are saved from criticism there. Oh, apart from Adrian Durham saying Andrey Arsharvin “shouldn’t be welcome back in England for what he did to us” – namely, supporting his own nation’s bid and, when they won, sitting respectfully so not to antagonise the England delegation seated next to him. That’s the same TalkSport that wanted Eduardo banned for ten games for what is a yellow card offence for every other player, though. And the same Adrian Durham who said the only thing Eduardo ever achieved is to make himself a hero by breaking his leg. So let’s not bother ourselves with them.
Over on Sky, the mocked-up penthouse overlooking a picture of Stamford Bridge was this week’s location for the four Sunday Supplement journalists discussing title credentials. Their approach was to point out that Chelsea’s meltdown, combined with the lack of any other genuine contenders, has left the door open for Manchester United to storm away with it. No mention of the Arsenal at all, other than from one idiot who said of our defensive clash of heads for Fulham’s goal: “Koscielny has a lot to answer for. He takes a slight knock on the head and simply stops defending. Tony Adams would have brushed it off and carried on.” That’s the same Laurent Koscielny who was stretchered off, went to hospital, and will now miss a month with severe concussion. But yeah, he should have played on.
Amid all of this, though, is one voice of reason. And from an unsuspecting source. Gary Lineker, albeit probably driven by the embarrassment of Hansen and Lawrenson failing to give any genuine insight, can regularly be heard probing away on why Arsenal can’t win it.
Lineker is even openly tipping us to mount a credible challenge – something unheard of in media circles: “Will [Man U] improve massively on last season? Unlikely. I've got a sneaky feeling for Arsenal. They will have a chance,” he says.
Lineker, it seems, is breaking the mould of the traditional “say the popular thing people want hear” pundit in favour of genuinely trying to stir up a debate.
Apparently, it was Lineker who shouted his mouth off that England had gone out at round one of that boring World Cup bid thing – the BBC ran a breaking news strapline that said “Lineker tells BBC that England have gone out at round one”, before swiftly changing it to “An England source tells BBC that England have gone out at round one”.
And he’s combining it with some genuinely candid views: "The night before the vote I was ushered off to hang around the hotel lobby where all the Executive Committee were and to speak to the ones I knew. You feel like some sort of stalker waiting to pounce. We waited for our prey. What concerned me though, was that none of the Russians, Spanish or Dutch were doing the same.”
Lineker at least seems to have an opinion that isn’t just what he’s heard everyone else saying or something designed purely to stir up controversy. That may be because he’s an anchor (I’ve called him something close to that before) rather than a pundit. But either way it’s a bit more refreshing than the idiots on TalkSport and Sky. Let’s hope he’s just as good at predicting Arsenal’s chances of mounting a serious title challenge this year. That’ll wipe the smug million-pound smiles off the faces of Lawro and Hansen.
Monday 29 November 2010
Things are not all they seem
Having endured my own mini mid-winter break from watching the Arsenal, you can imagine my joy on returning to see things have been plodding along according to plan – closed the gap on Chelsea, still just two points off the top, and set to progress to the knock-out stages of the Champions League next week. Things, it seems, have been quieter than ‘Arry Redknapp at a tax inspectors’ convention.
Oh, hang on a minute… what? Oh. Things are not quite as they seem.
Don’t get me wrong: if, at the start of the season, we’d been offered the current state of play come the end of November – when traditionally our season has fallen apart – there’s little doubt most of us would have taken it. But only on paper. The problem is that underneath that paper, there are some pretty serious cracks at the Home of Football:
The ultra-positive types will say this is a bit pessimistic after a weekend when Chelsea dropped points and we won away from home, with what was a very good attacking performance. Even Andy Gray, who showed his allegiance to Villa by proclaiming our opening goal ‘a disaster’, admitted we played fantastic, controlled football for the most part of the game. And as one of you pointed out by text: if you'd have been told at the age 21 that you'd have to wait until you were 38 to see Spurs win at Arsenal, you'd have taken it.
But while we have stayed in touch with the leaders despite a terrible run of form and inconsistency, we may well wish we’d really cashed in on the failings of the other big teams and got ourselves ahead – especially if we suffer our usual capitulation when we come up against Man U and Chelsea soon.
Only time will tell, I guess.
Oh, hang on a minute… what? Oh. Things are not quite as they seem.
Don’t get me wrong: if, at the start of the season, we’d been offered the current state of play come the end of November – when traditionally our season has fallen apart – there’s little doubt most of us would have taken it. But only on paper. The problem is that underneath that paper, there are some pretty serious cracks at the Home of Football:
- As boring as it is to hear commentators keep banging on about it, we really can’t play a game of football without conceding at least two goals… and we really are at our most vulnerable when we are two-nil up. I don’t know how to fix this. But that’s because it’s not my job. Wenger has to give this some serious attention… before it’s too late.
- You will know from this blog, if you didn’t know anyway, that I am about as pro-Wenger as you will find. However, Wenger has some serious questions to answer if we don’t qualify for the next stage of the Champions League. In all of our CL away games this season he has tinkered with the side to the extent of almost putting out a second string team. The result is two terrible results in games we would undoubtedly have won with our A-team out. I get why he does it… win your home games and you don’t need much away from home to get through. But when you play at home last, you don’t leave yourself much room for error. Wouldn’t it have been better to nail the points and then rest players?
- Wenger might be to blame for the state of our Champions League campaign, but I put the blame for the defeat against Tottenham mainly at the door of Cesc Fabregas. Aside from the penalty, when your opponents - two-nil down and with nothing to lose - come out 4-4-2 and set about attacking you, it’s the captain’s job to respond. It’s his job to say to Song, the holding midfielder, that he has no need to pass the halfway line for the rest of the afternoon. It’s his job to organise some structure and introduce some calm. It’s his job to lead by example. As far as I can see, and I admit I’ve not exactly been racing to watch the highlights/read the papers on this game, Fabregas failed to step up. He also had a complete disaster against Newcastle at home and, having watched the Villa game, we are seriously starting to look a better team when Fabregas doesn’t play.
The ultra-positive types will say this is a bit pessimistic after a weekend when Chelsea dropped points and we won away from home, with what was a very good attacking performance. Even Andy Gray, who showed his allegiance to Villa by proclaiming our opening goal ‘a disaster’, admitted we played fantastic, controlled football for the most part of the game. And as one of you pointed out by text: if you'd have been told at the age 21 that you'd have to wait until you were 38 to see Spurs win at Arsenal, you'd have taken it.
But while we have stayed in touch with the leaders despite a terrible run of form and inconsistency, we may well wish we’d really cashed in on the failings of the other big teams and got ourselves ahead – especially if we suffer our usual capitulation when we come up against Man U and Chelsea soon.
Only time will tell, I guess.
Sunday 14 November 2010
Bendtner: either cocky or naive. But definitely stupid.
Most footballers are stupid. I think that's pretty much agreed. Yet it still surprises me when they come out and say things like Bendtner did this week.
I've always wanted Bendtner to do well for Arsenal. But he's never been much more than a fringe player for Arsenal. He played quite a lot last year because van Persie was injured for a long time and, although he scored a few goals, he was far from prolific. In fact, I think Arsene Wenger has shown more faith than most managers would have in a player who scored just 13 goals during a whole season in the Championship and quite often misses easy chances.
What's more, it's been a pretty good few days for The Arsenal - repairing the damage of the defeat to Newcastle with a hard-fought win at Wolves, then winning at Everton while Chelsea fell apart at home to Sunderland, means we still have hope that the game against the Geordies will be to this team what the Blackburn home defeat was to 1998's title winners.
So the faith Wenger has shown in Bendnter, and the need to keep spirits up in the dressing room, make it particularly disappointing that he should say this week:
If he did say those things, then he can always fuck off and try his luck elsewhere. If he does, he should be prepared to eat his words. After all, plenty have left to make the point they're good enough. Not many have achieved it. Anyone know what Aliadiere is up to these days?
I've always wanted Bendtner to do well for Arsenal. But he's never been much more than a fringe player for Arsenal. He played quite a lot last year because van Persie was injured for a long time and, although he scored a few goals, he was far from prolific. In fact, I think Arsene Wenger has shown more faith than most managers would have in a player who scored just 13 goals during a whole season in the Championship and quite often misses easy chances.
What's more, it's been a pretty good few days for The Arsenal - repairing the damage of the defeat to Newcastle with a hard-fought win at Wolves, then winning at Everton while Chelsea fell apart at home to Sunderland, means we still have hope that the game against the Geordies will be to this team what the Blackburn home defeat was to 1998's title winners.
So the faith Wenger has shown in Bendnter, and the need to keep spirits up in the dressing room, make it particularly disappointing that he should say this week:
"I am incredibly disappointed at the lack of playing time. I feel I have done everything right during the rehabilitation phase and is in my life shape. I feel better than before the injury, so it is no longer. When I'm at 100 percent, I can not accept to sit on the bench."These things are often twisted by the media, and if that's the case then Bendtner should know better than to say anything. If you're paid £50+ a week, why do you need to mouth off in the media at all?
If he did say those things, then he can always fuck off and try his luck elsewhere. If he does, he should be prepared to eat his words. After all, plenty have left to make the point they're good enough. Not many have achieved it. Anyone know what Aliadiere is up to these days?
Monday 8 November 2010
You'll never believe this...
There’s something in journalism called “the fuck-off factor”. In short, if you’ve got a story that you think would make the front page of The Sun, imagine yourself telling it to your mate down the pub. If his reaction is to say “fuck off, I don’t believe it”, then it’s probably good enough.
This weekend was a “fuck off” weekend. The early indications were fine. Spurs had found out just how hard it is to play a Premier League away game following a Champions League match; the Mancs were being held by Wolves with five minutes to go at Old Trafford; and, with us at home to Newcastle and Chelsea away the following day, I was already turning my thoughts to a perfect weekend.
So if, at 4.30pm on Saturday, you walked into my front room and said: “The Mancs will be the only team in the top four to win this weekend; Arsenal will put in one of their worst home performances for five years in losing to Newcastle; Torres will use the game against Champions and top-of-the-league Chelsea to remember how to score goals; and man of principles and honesty Arsene Wenger will be exposed for having a two-year fling with a part-time rapper” - I’d have told you to fuck off.
The worst thing about our result was that we didn’t even have the usual dominance and peppering of the opposition’s goal to keep our hopes alive. After about an hour it was blatantly obvious that we could still be playing now and probably won’t have scored. Of course, we couldn’t still be playing now because Arsene had to get home by 6pm to do some explaining, but you get my point.
Our forward line couldn’t control the ball or stay on side, the midfield couldn’t make a pass, the centrebacks now seem unable to header a football and we still have a goalkeeper who can’t punch. So yet again we’re counting our chickens that a Chelsea defeat means we’re “still only five points behind”, rather than celebrating the fact we’ve closed the gap at the top.
People keep telling me the good news is that if we’d beaten West Brom and Newcastle at home we’d be top by now. The bad news, of course, is that we can’t beat West Brom and Newcastle at home… and if you can’t do that, you’ll win nothing. In fact, if you can’t do that, you might just as well give up and fuck off.
This weekend was a “fuck off” weekend. The early indications were fine. Spurs had found out just how hard it is to play a Premier League away game following a Champions League match; the Mancs were being held by Wolves with five minutes to go at Old Trafford; and, with us at home to Newcastle and Chelsea away the following day, I was already turning my thoughts to a perfect weekend.
So if, at 4.30pm on Saturday, you walked into my front room and said: “The Mancs will be the only team in the top four to win this weekend; Arsenal will put in one of their worst home performances for five years in losing to Newcastle; Torres will use the game against Champions and top-of-the-league Chelsea to remember how to score goals; and man of principles and honesty Arsene Wenger will be exposed for having a two-year fling with a part-time rapper” - I’d have told you to fuck off.
The worst thing about our result was that we didn’t even have the usual dominance and peppering of the opposition’s goal to keep our hopes alive. After about an hour it was blatantly obvious that we could still be playing now and probably won’t have scored. Of course, we couldn’t still be playing now because Arsene had to get home by 6pm to do some explaining, but you get my point.
Our forward line couldn’t control the ball or stay on side, the midfield couldn’t make a pass, the centrebacks now seem unable to header a football and we still have a goalkeeper who can’t punch. So yet again we’re counting our chickens that a Chelsea defeat means we’re “still only five points behind”, rather than celebrating the fact we’ve closed the gap at the top.
People keep telling me the good news is that if we’d beaten West Brom and Newcastle at home we’d be top by now. The bad news, of course, is that we can’t beat West Brom and Newcastle at home… and if you can’t do that, you’ll win nothing. In fact, if you can’t do that, you might just as well give up and fuck off.
Friday 29 October 2010
Responding with a touch of class...
Judging by the slating he’s been getting of late, it wouldn’t surprise me if a poll of the world’s most unpopular people saw Arsene Wenger up there with the likes of Ian Huntley, Ian Brady and Osama Bin Laden right now. Ashley Cole would obviously be top of the list.
From Tony Pulis to Fat Sam and Ryan Shawcross, the football world has been queuing up to have a pop at Wenger just lately.
This week, Wolves Chairman Jez Moxey waded in, bleating: “keep your mouth shut. Play the game, play aggressive, let everybody play. Wilshere and your [Wenger's] other players are going to make similar challenges [to the Wolves challenge which broke Bobby Zamora’s leg]. All he said was exactly the same as every other manager has and yet he is one of the managers who goes on the front foot, moaning and complaining and bitching about it because it is unfair on his team.”
Wenger’s retort, of course, was pure class. When asked if he had seen the comments made by Jez Moxey, he replied: “Who?”
You see it’s easy to run your mouth off and tell people to “keep your mouth shut”. It’s a little more difficult to talk about the game with the class and guile of Arsene Wenger:
On Alex Ferguson claiming Manchester United played the best football, despite Arsenal winning the league:
"Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home."
After the Arsenal fans booed a 1-1 draw with Middlesbrough in November 1998:
"If you eat caviar every day it's difficult to return to sausages."
On Jose Mourinho accusing him of being a voyeur:
"When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid sometimes and not more intelligent."
On Arsenal lacking a little confidence:
"A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful."
In response to Sepp Blatter's accusation that big clubs were guilty of 'child slavery’:
"If you have a child who is a good musician, what is your first reaction? It is to put them into a good music school, not in an average one. So why should that not happen in football?"
On Sol Campbell joining Portsmouth, having been released by Arsenal because he wanted to play overseas:
"It is a big surprise to me because he cancelled his contract to go abroad. Have you sold Portsmouth to a foreign country?"
On the success of the Great Britain swimming team at the Olympics:
"I didn't know the English were good at swimming. I have been in this country for 12 years and I haven't seen a swimming pool."
On Emmanuel Adebayor's stamp on Robin van Persie:
"I watched it when I got home and it looked very bad. You ask 100 people, 99 will say it's very bad and the hundredth will be Mark Hughes."
On Alex Ferguson criticising Arsenal’s disciplinary record:
"Ferguson should calm down. Maybe it would have been better if he had put us against a wall and shot us."
Upon being asked if he had received the apology that Alex Ferguson claimed he had sent to Wenger:
“No. Perhaps he sent it by horse."
On players being called up for international duty:
"What the national coaches are doing is like taking the car from the garage without even asking permission. They will then use the car for ten days and abandon it in a field without any petrol left in the tank. We then have to recover it, but it is broken down. Then a month later they will come to take your car again, and for good measure you're expected to be nice about it."
On Arsenal's recruitment of foreign players:
"If I give you a good wine, you will see how it tastes… and only after you ask where it comes from."
On buying expensive stars:
"We do not buy superstars. We make them."
On clubs selling their history:
"We try to go a different way that, for me, is respectable. Briefly, these are the basics. I thought: ‘We are building a stadium, so I will get young players in early so I do not find myself exposed on the transfer market without the money to compete with the others. I build a team, and we compensate by creating a style of play, by creating a culture at the club because the boy comes in at 16 or 17 and when they go out they have a supplement of soul, of love for the club, because they have been educated together. The people you meet at college from 16 to 20, often those are the relationships in life that keep going. That, I think, will give us strength that other clubs will not have."
From Tony Pulis to Fat Sam and Ryan Shawcross, the football world has been queuing up to have a pop at Wenger just lately.
This week, Wolves Chairman Jez Moxey waded in, bleating: “keep your mouth shut. Play the game, play aggressive, let everybody play. Wilshere and your [Wenger's] other players are going to make similar challenges [to the Wolves challenge which broke Bobby Zamora’s leg]. All he said was exactly the same as every other manager has and yet he is one of the managers who goes on the front foot, moaning and complaining and bitching about it because it is unfair on his team.”
Wenger’s retort, of course, was pure class. When asked if he had seen the comments made by Jez Moxey, he replied: “Who?”
You see it’s easy to run your mouth off and tell people to “keep your mouth shut”. It’s a little more difficult to talk about the game with the class and guile of Arsene Wenger:
On Alex Ferguson claiming Manchester United played the best football, despite Arsenal winning the league:
"Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home."
After the Arsenal fans booed a 1-1 draw with Middlesbrough in November 1998:
"If you eat caviar every day it's difficult to return to sausages."
On Jose Mourinho accusing him of being a voyeur:
"When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid sometimes and not more intelligent."
On Arsenal lacking a little confidence:
"A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful."
In response to Sepp Blatter's accusation that big clubs were guilty of 'child slavery’:
"If you have a child who is a good musician, what is your first reaction? It is to put them into a good music school, not in an average one. So why should that not happen in football?"
On Sol Campbell joining Portsmouth, having been released by Arsenal because he wanted to play overseas:
"It is a big surprise to me because he cancelled his contract to go abroad. Have you sold Portsmouth to a foreign country?"
On the success of the Great Britain swimming team at the Olympics:
"I didn't know the English were good at swimming. I have been in this country for 12 years and I haven't seen a swimming pool."
On Emmanuel Adebayor's stamp on Robin van Persie:
"I watched it when I got home and it looked very bad. You ask 100 people, 99 will say it's very bad and the hundredth will be Mark Hughes."
On Alex Ferguson criticising Arsenal’s disciplinary record:
"Ferguson should calm down. Maybe it would have been better if he had put us against a wall and shot us."
Upon being asked if he had received the apology that Alex Ferguson claimed he had sent to Wenger:
“No. Perhaps he sent it by horse."
On players being called up for international duty:
"What the national coaches are doing is like taking the car from the garage without even asking permission. They will then use the car for ten days and abandon it in a field without any petrol left in the tank. We then have to recover it, but it is broken down. Then a month later they will come to take your car again, and for good measure you're expected to be nice about it."
On Arsenal's recruitment of foreign players:
"If I give you a good wine, you will see how it tastes… and only after you ask where it comes from."
On buying expensive stars:
"We do not buy superstars. We make them."
On clubs selling their history:
"We try to go a different way that, for me, is respectable. Briefly, these are the basics. I thought: ‘We are building a stadium, so I will get young players in early so I do not find myself exposed on the transfer market without the money to compete with the others. I build a team, and we compensate by creating a style of play, by creating a culture at the club because the boy comes in at 16 or 17 and when they go out they have a supplement of soul, of love for the club, because they have been educated together. The people you meet at college from 16 to 20, often those are the relationships in life that keep going. That, I think, will give us strength that other clubs will not have."
Wednesday 27 October 2010
Talking Poll-ocks
The best thing about Graham Poll is that his name rhymes with ‘arsehole’. The second best thing is that he is an arsehole. A terrace songsmith’s dream.
Like many referees, Poll had many weaknesses. His constant desire for the limelight pushed him to make frequent bad decisions and to meddle in minor incidents that were better left alone.
But his main downfall, of course, was more fundamental. He couldn’t count. His decision to book the same player three times and then send him off at the final whistle of the Croatia v Australia match at the 2006 World Cup Finals (below) – the biggest stage of all - prompted his swift demise from the game.
Like a fly to shit, though, Poll still craves the limelight. His autobiography (who would buy that?), the not-so-cleverly titled ‘Seeing Red’, has been followed by work as a pundit for the BBC and as a columnist for the Daily Mail.
This week, Poll’s Daily Mail column took aim at Arsenal, backing up Fat Sam’s claims that Wenger is waging psychological warfare against referees to gain Arsenal an advantage. Luckily, the Daily Mail is a Bastian of English journalism that would only ever print fact.
Oh, and wait, Arsenal themselves have had three sending offs this season - Koscielny, Song and Wilshere. That must be what they call reversed psychology on Wenger’s part.
Arsehole.
Like many referees, Poll had many weaknesses. His constant desire for the limelight pushed him to make frequent bad decisions and to meddle in minor incidents that were better left alone.
But his main downfall, of course, was more fundamental. He couldn’t count. His decision to book the same player three times and then send him off at the final whistle of the Croatia v Australia match at the 2006 World Cup Finals (below) – the biggest stage of all - prompted his swift demise from the game.
Like a fly to shit, though, Poll still craves the limelight. His autobiography (who would buy that?), the not-so-cleverly titled ‘Seeing Red’, has been followed by work as a pundit for the BBC and as a columnist for the Daily Mail.
This week, Poll’s Daily Mail column took aim at Arsenal, backing up Fat Sam’s claims that Wenger is waging psychological warfare against referees to gain Arsenal an advantage. Luckily, the Daily Mail is a Bastian of English journalism that would only ever print fact.
“A look at the statistics for the season indicate that Arsene Wenger is winning his psychological battle with referees. Arsenal’s opponents have been shown red cards four times in just nine games, resulting in the Gunners facing just 10 men for 215 minutes,” says Poll.That's right. Four sending off. For: a two-footed lunge by Joe Cole, which he admitted was a red card and apologised for; a professional foul by Blackpool’s Charlie Evatt; a two-footed tackle from behind by Bolton’s Gary Cahill; and the professional foul by Boyata at the weekend which no-one on earth – not even Mancini – has defended.
Oh, and wait, Arsenal themselves have had three sending offs this season - Koscielny, Song and Wilshere. That must be what they call reversed psychology on Wenger’s part.
“They have already been awarded nine penalty kicks. Three teams have had no penalties while 14 teams have had two or fewer. So what has happened, and is it all a coincidence?” continues Poll.Nine penalties is a lot. But only Redknapp and the idiot from Birmingham questioned the penalties against them – and that despite video evidence showing clear contact. And doesn’t it stand to reason that the more time you spend around opposition penalty areas, the more likely you are to get fouled in the box? Could these penalties be the result of Arsenal playing it around the box far too much and shooting about as often as Pele does these days? And what has it got to do with anything that three teams have had no penalties? I didn’t realise the idea was to spread penalties around evenly.
“Having watched Mark Clattenburg referee Arsenal’s game at the weekend, I was intrigued at the high number of decisions he had to make. Six yellow cards and a penalty kick - highly unusual in a season where referees have tended to try to manage situations rather than issue cards.”Another excellent point Graham… although do you think you should have mentioned that four of those bookings were Arsenal bookings - and that the penalty was stonewall? Of course not, that wouldn’t get you any attention would it?
Arsehole.
Wednesday 20 October 2010
You know what’s coming…
Why do players always feel the need to mouth off before a big game?
Harry Redknapp, morning of 20 October 2010: "I hope we start off like an Express Train and go 2-0 up again tonight, that will be nice. We always have a go and play an attacking game. We'll look to have a go and try to cause them problems. We'll be positive and see what we can do. I think we’re one or two big signings away from being a team that could win the championship,"
Peter Crouch, morning of 20 October 2010: "I look around our dressing room and we are as good as any squad in the Champions League. Barcelona are the team to beat but we have a number of players who would get in Barcelona's squad. I genuinely believe we can beat anyone.''
Heuelho Gomes, morning of 20 October 2010: "We are not worried about going to the San Siro. All we need to do is keep going like we have done in our last two Champions League games.”
8.27pm, 20 October 2010: Inter Milan 4-0 Tottenham. Gomes sent off.
Harry Redknapp, morning of 20 October 2010: "I hope we start off like an Express Train and go 2-0 up again tonight, that will be nice. We always have a go and play an attacking game. We'll look to have a go and try to cause them problems. We'll be positive and see what we can do. I think we’re one or two big signings away from being a team that could win the championship,"
Peter Crouch, morning of 20 October 2010: "I look around our dressing room and we are as good as any squad in the Champions League. Barcelona are the team to beat but we have a number of players who would get in Barcelona's squad. I genuinely believe we can beat anyone.''
Heuelho Gomes, morning of 20 October 2010: "We are not worried about going to the San Siro. All we need to do is keep going like we have done in our last two Champions League games.”
8.27pm, 20 October 2010: Inter Milan 4-0 Tottenham. Gomes sent off.
Tuesday 19 October 2010
We're worse than Liverpool
Football managers are like whingeing, whining school kids… only older, more experienced and - apart from Gordon Strachan – bigger. When their team loses, they come out with all sorts of childish arguments about why it’s all so unfair: ‘If he hadn’t dived’, ‘If he had been sent off’, ‘He was kicking the ball back to his goalie to take a free kick’.
Maybe it’s the pressure on managers to justify defeats to their ‘quick to fire’ chairmen. Or that the rise in media coverage of bad tackles, diving and goal-line technology has given them the ammo to defend indefensible displays.
The players are just as bad. This week it was the turn of Birmingham’s Richard Johnson to go on Sky’s Goals on Sunday to point out, unchallenged, that Chamakh “dived”… despite the video replay showing he hadn’t.
So what would our league position look like right now if all the so-called ‘injustices’ pointed out by rival managers this season were actually punished? Well, I’ll tell you:
Liverpool away
Official result: drew 1-1
Hodgson: "It's a disappointment to get this close to the end of the game and not get three points. But I think a point is about right."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Blackpool home
Official result: won 6-0
Holloway: “We were doing OK until the referee deemed Ian's challenge to be a sending off. I thought it was a penalty at best but then to send him off ridiculous - it absolutely ruined the game as spectacle.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Blackburn away
Official result: won 2-1
Allardyce: "I'm disappointed we didn't get something out of the game and from my point of view the first half was our opportunity to get our noses in front. Because we didn't take those opportunities we paid the price for that.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Bolton home
Official result: won 4-1
Coyle: "Everyone who watched that game will know what happened at 2-1. We should have had a free-kick for Lee on the edge of the box. One of the biggest free-kicks you will ever see in your life. And the ref doesn't give it. Then Cahill comes in the back of Chamakh and fouls him, and it was a foul. But my initial reaction was it was a yellow, and not a red. But he [referee Simon Attwell] sends him off, and that changes the game. In two seconds, it changes the course of the game.
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Sunderland away
Official result: drew 1-1
Bruce: "We worked extremely hard. They got a fluke of a goal but I thought our first-half performance was excellent and we've got our reward."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
West Brom home
Official result: lost 2-3
Di Matteo: "I would say we deserved it, the way we played, the way we created chances, scored goals and played very well.
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Chelsea away
Official result: lost 0-2
Wilkins: “All in all I thought it was a fantastic performance.”
Opposition assistant manager’s verdict: fair result.
Birmingham home
Official result: won 2-1
McLeish: The penalty changed the game. If we had gone on and scored the next goal it would have been over. I think we were comfortable. The tackle by Nasri is a sending-off. Eboue had the scissor challenge on Ridgewell. We know the damage it can do. Did you see Murphy get punched in the face in the last minute? He’s got stitches. Let’s investigate. Jack Wilshere’s was a deserved red. Arsenal should have finished with seven men.
Opposition manager’s verdict: Birmingham should have won.
So, there you have it. Our true league position is 20th. Yep, bottom, with a total of five points. Ian Holloway did later say that his team probably would have lost anyway, yet even that generosity gives us just seven points – 17th in the league.
Isn’t it a shame league tables don't take excuses into account?
Maybe it’s the pressure on managers to justify defeats to their ‘quick to fire’ chairmen. Or that the rise in media coverage of bad tackles, diving and goal-line technology has given them the ammo to defend indefensible displays.
The players are just as bad. This week it was the turn of Birmingham’s Richard Johnson to go on Sky’s Goals on Sunday to point out, unchallenged, that Chamakh “dived”… despite the video replay showing he hadn’t.
So what would our league position look like right now if all the so-called ‘injustices’ pointed out by rival managers this season were actually punished? Well, I’ll tell you:
Liverpool away
Official result: drew 1-1
Hodgson: "It's a disappointment to get this close to the end of the game and not get three points. But I think a point is about right."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Blackpool home
Official result: won 6-0
Holloway: “We were doing OK until the referee deemed Ian's challenge to be a sending off. I thought it was a penalty at best but then to send him off ridiculous - it absolutely ruined the game as spectacle.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Blackburn away
Official result: won 2-1
Allardyce: "I'm disappointed we didn't get something out of the game and from my point of view the first half was our opportunity to get our noses in front. Because we didn't take those opportunities we paid the price for that.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Bolton home
Official result: won 4-1
Coyle: "Everyone who watched that game will know what happened at 2-1. We should have had a free-kick for Lee on the edge of the box. One of the biggest free-kicks you will ever see in your life. And the ref doesn't give it. Then Cahill comes in the back of Chamakh and fouls him, and it was a foul. But my initial reaction was it was a yellow, and not a red. But he [referee Simon Attwell] sends him off, and that changes the game. In two seconds, it changes the course of the game.
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Sunderland away
Official result: drew 1-1
Bruce: "We worked extremely hard. They got a fluke of a goal but I thought our first-half performance was excellent and we've got our reward."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
West Brom home
Official result: lost 2-3
Di Matteo: "I would say we deserved it, the way we played, the way we created chances, scored goals and played very well.
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Chelsea away
Official result: lost 0-2
Wilkins: “All in all I thought it was a fantastic performance.”
Opposition assistant manager’s verdict: fair result.
Birmingham home
Official result: won 2-1
McLeish: The penalty changed the game. If we had gone on and scored the next goal it would have been over. I think we were comfortable. The tackle by Nasri is a sending-off. Eboue had the scissor challenge on Ridgewell. We know the damage it can do. Did you see Murphy get punched in the face in the last minute? He’s got stitches. Let’s investigate. Jack Wilshere’s was a deserved red. Arsenal should have finished with seven men.
Opposition manager’s verdict: Birmingham should have won.
So, there you have it. Our true league position is 20th. Yep, bottom, with a total of five points. Ian Holloway did later say that his team probably would have lost anyway, yet even that generosity gives us just seven points – 17th in the league.
Isn’t it a shame league tables don't take excuses into account?
Friday 15 October 2010
I’ll be accused of celebrating failure on the pitch…
...but off it, the football world celebrates complete incompetence and negligence
Losing the last game before the international break gives everyone two weeks to dwell on your shortcomings – in our case that we’re still unable to rough it against tough tacklers, that we flatter to deceive against the Mancs and Chelsea, and that Wenger’s refusal to ‘buy big’ means we haven’t won a trophy in five seasons, obviously.
I don’t mind that criticism so much. In fact, I don’t even mind the media ignoring that we took to the field against Chelsea like Christopher Reeve – with our entire spine missing (the loss of Almunia, Vermaelen, Fabregas and van Persie hardly got a mention).
And I can just about handle Mr know-everything-about-management (despite never being a manager) Andy Gray gleaming: “You have to ask how long the Arsenal fans and players will put up with this? How long can Arsene Wenger keep persuading them this is the right way?” – while ignoring what the fans of Liverpool, Everton, Middlesboro, Newcastle, Sunderland (and all those other clubs that have spent more than us over the past five years) are currently putting up with.
I can handle all of that… just.
But what I don’t understand is the media constantly waxing lyrical about Chelsea and all they achieve.
It’s true that Arsenal haven’t won a trophy for five years. And it’s true that, in that time, Chelsea won the Premier League in 2006 and last season; three FA Cups; and a League Cup.
Ignore the League Cup because it doesn’t count. Add in that Chelsea have spent more than £300m over the past five years, failed to win the league for three successive seasons between 2006-09, and still haven’t won the Champions League – and I’d suggest it’s not a great return. But you don’t hear that said in the media.
What you also don’t hear is criticism of, and this is my main point, is how Chelsea have achieved their success – and just how bad it is for football.
Chelsea’s business plan since Abramovic came in has simply been to “achieve world domination” - which doesn’t appear to be happening – and relies solely on the hope that Roman Abramovic won’t walk away.
If he does, Chelsea are dead. Chelsea say the loans given to them by Abramovic have now been turned into shares, and that the club is effectively running as a profit-making business. The truth, however, is very different.
It is true that the loans from the holding company to Chelsea FC plc were fully converted to shares. However, Abramovich’s loan to Chelsea Limited, the holding company which owns Chelsea FC plc, was not. That loan remains owing. In fact, it increased in the previous financial year because Abramovich loaned another £25m for extravagant spending and to cover the dismissal of Luiz Felipe Scolari and his coaching team – all of which produced losses of £47m.
The result is that the accounts of Chelsea Limited (whose name was changed during the year to Fordstam Limited), show the loan to Abramovic still outstanding. The total figure owed? Wait for it… £726m. The good news for Chelsea fans is the loan is interest free. The bad news is that it is repayable if Abramovich gives 18 months’ notice.
So if the Roman gets bored; or fed up that they still can’t win the Champions League; or if they do win the Champions League and then he feels he’s achieved all he can with that toy, what will happen to Chelsea? Do you think the club will attract a buyer willing to pay off a three-quarters-of-a-billion-pound debt to take the helm? Looking at the debacle at Anfield this past couple of weeks, I would say not.
Those activities at Anfield have finally started to persuade fans that winning silver cups in the immediate future is not all football is about. Supporters are taking an interest in the long-term futures of their clubs, and seeing that the Arsenal way – while painful for half a dozen years or so on the pitch – is putting the club in good stead off the pitch for generations to come. Online discussions like this one on BBC this week are now riddled with praise for what has become known as “the Arsenal model”.
I just hope that now the fans are seeing the light, the media might follow. I suspect Andy Gray and co will just continue to focus on the one measure of success they care about – titles and trophies. Don’t get me wrong. I would love Arsenal to have won the silverware Chelsea have since 2005. But not at their price.
I know that in ten years I will still be watching my team from where I watch it now. I wonder if Chelsea fans will be watching some re-formed non-league version of their club because they wanted ten years of success but then Abramovic walked away – and took their history with him?
Losing the last game before the international break gives everyone two weeks to dwell on your shortcomings – in our case that we’re still unable to rough it against tough tacklers, that we flatter to deceive against the Mancs and Chelsea, and that Wenger’s refusal to ‘buy big’ means we haven’t won a trophy in five seasons, obviously.
I don’t mind that criticism so much. In fact, I don’t even mind the media ignoring that we took to the field against Chelsea like Christopher Reeve – with our entire spine missing (the loss of Almunia, Vermaelen, Fabregas and van Persie hardly got a mention).
And I can just about handle Mr know-everything-about-management (despite never being a manager) Andy Gray gleaming: “You have to ask how long the Arsenal fans and players will put up with this? How long can Arsene Wenger keep persuading them this is the right way?” – while ignoring what the fans of Liverpool, Everton, Middlesboro, Newcastle, Sunderland (and all those other clubs that have spent more than us over the past five years) are currently putting up with.
I can handle all of that… just.
But what I don’t understand is the media constantly waxing lyrical about Chelsea and all they achieve.
It’s true that Arsenal haven’t won a trophy for five years. And it’s true that, in that time, Chelsea won the Premier League in 2006 and last season; three FA Cups; and a League Cup.
Ignore the League Cup because it doesn’t count. Add in that Chelsea have spent more than £300m over the past five years, failed to win the league for three successive seasons between 2006-09, and still haven’t won the Champions League – and I’d suggest it’s not a great return. But you don’t hear that said in the media.
What you also don’t hear is criticism of, and this is my main point, is how Chelsea have achieved their success – and just how bad it is for football.
Chelsea’s business plan since Abramovic came in has simply been to “achieve world domination” - which doesn’t appear to be happening – and relies solely on the hope that Roman Abramovic won’t walk away.
If he does, Chelsea are dead. Chelsea say the loans given to them by Abramovic have now been turned into shares, and that the club is effectively running as a profit-making business. The truth, however, is very different.
It is true that the loans from the holding company to Chelsea FC plc were fully converted to shares. However, Abramovich’s loan to Chelsea Limited, the holding company which owns Chelsea FC plc, was not. That loan remains owing. In fact, it increased in the previous financial year because Abramovich loaned another £25m for extravagant spending and to cover the dismissal of Luiz Felipe Scolari and his coaching team – all of which produced losses of £47m.
The result is that the accounts of Chelsea Limited (whose name was changed during the year to Fordstam Limited), show the loan to Abramovic still outstanding. The total figure owed? Wait for it… £726m. The good news for Chelsea fans is the loan is interest free. The bad news is that it is repayable if Abramovich gives 18 months’ notice.
So if the Roman gets bored; or fed up that they still can’t win the Champions League; or if they do win the Champions League and then he feels he’s achieved all he can with that toy, what will happen to Chelsea? Do you think the club will attract a buyer willing to pay off a three-quarters-of-a-billion-pound debt to take the helm? Looking at the debacle at Anfield this past couple of weeks, I would say not.
Those activities at Anfield have finally started to persuade fans that winning silver cups in the immediate future is not all football is about. Supporters are taking an interest in the long-term futures of their clubs, and seeing that the Arsenal way – while painful for half a dozen years or so on the pitch – is putting the club in good stead off the pitch for generations to come. Online discussions like this one on BBC this week are now riddled with praise for what has become known as “the Arsenal model”.
I just hope that now the fans are seeing the light, the media might follow. I suspect Andy Gray and co will just continue to focus on the one measure of success they care about – titles and trophies. Don’t get me wrong. I would love Arsenal to have won the silverware Chelsea have since 2005. But not at their price.
I know that in ten years I will still be watching my team from where I watch it now. I wonder if Chelsea fans will be watching some re-formed non-league version of their club because they wanted ten years of success but then Abramovic walked away – and took their history with him?
Wednesday 13 October 2010
Vito Mannone stakes his claim in true Arsenal fashion...
Goalkeeping: more ups and downs than a Chilean mining rescue pod.
8 October 2010: "Arsenal never lost a match when I played last season, but now they are trying again with Almunia. Fabianski was in goal when we played Chelsea. Why am I behind them in the pecking order? That's one you need to ask Wenger. I'm eating my heart out at not being able to play. All the more because the other two keepers are not doing their job especially well."
Vito Mannone.
12 October 2010: Italy U21s v Belarus U21s. Mannone is in goal for the blues:
Maybe that's why.
8 October 2010: "Arsenal never lost a match when I played last season, but now they are trying again with Almunia. Fabianski was in goal when we played Chelsea. Why am I behind them in the pecking order? That's one you need to ask Wenger. I'm eating my heart out at not being able to play. All the more because the other two keepers are not doing their job especially well."
Vito Mannone.
12 October 2010: Italy U21s v Belarus U21s. Mannone is in goal for the blues:
Maybe that's why.
Monday 11 October 2010
Nasri's leaving. Sort of...
Depending on which rag you pick up in the morning or which information superhighway sites you log on to, you will have no doubt been alarmed, if not a little confused, by Samir Nasri’s unrest this morning.
“Nasri is eyeing a move” roared the headline in The Sun, pointing to his “frustration with Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger”.
Online football site TribalFootball also picked up on Nasri’s frustration, telling us: “Arsenal star Nasri fed-up with wide role.”
Over at the Metro, however, Nasri had accepted that Cesc Fabregas is leaving Arsenal and is keen to fill his boots once he’s gone. “Samir Nasri: I want to be Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas replacement,” the headline told us.
But why the confusion? Maybe it’s because what really happened is the following:
There lies a quick lesson in how the media works.
“Nasri is eyeing a move” roared the headline in The Sun, pointing to his “frustration with Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger”.
Online football site TribalFootball also picked up on Nasri’s frustration, telling us: “Arsenal star Nasri fed-up with wide role.”
Over at the Metro, however, Nasri had accepted that Cesc Fabregas is leaving Arsenal and is keen to fill his boots once he’s gone. “Samir Nasri: I want to be Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas replacement,” the headline told us.
But why the confusion? Maybe it’s because what really happened is the following:
- Nasri played in the centre for France at the weekend.
- After they won, a reporter asked him: “You seemed comfortable in the middle. Did you enjoy playing in the centre?”
- Nasri replied: “That's how I was formed. In every age group at youth level, I often played through the middle. I've been playing out wide for two years with Arsenal, but feel more at ease in the centre of the pitch."
There lies a quick lesson in how the media works.
Friday 8 October 2010
International break: national catastrophe
I hate the international break. No Arsenal, no beers with the boys, no cheeky bets on 14-team accumulators that will never ever win, and nothing much to write about. Might as well do some work. Speaking of which… just been hauled in by the HR people. Apparently they were a bit unhappy with a job ad I put out. “Manager wanted: foreigners need not apply. No Portuguese, Croats or Spaniards. Definitely no Swedes or Italians. Black people can apply… but only if you're English.”
I explained that if it’s good enough for the FA to recruit the next England manager purely on the basis of nationality, it’s good enough for me. Unfortunately HR weren’t very Abbey Clancy or Coleen in the understanding and forgiving stakes.
The announcement by the FA that the next England manager will be English is not only amazing because you couldn’t work in any other industry in the world and get away with saying that, but also because pretty much all English managers are shit.
It’s a well-worn pub quiz teaser that no English manager has ever won the Premier League, and that Howard Wilkinson was the last to win a top-flight title – in 1992. What’s more, until Steve McLaren last season and Harry Redknapp this, only two Englishmen - Ray Harford and Bobby Robson - had ever managed in the Champions League. Those two are dead, so they probably won’t get it.
With one swift statement, the FA have ruled out all of the world’s best football managers – ignoring that the reason England aren’t good enough stretches far beyond the nationality of the manager – a lack of investment in grass-roots football, a non-competitive culture at schools, sub-standard development of players and the flawed mentality of English footballers to name a few (see: "He loves a foreigner, that Wenger", for more views on this).
Unsurprisingly, the FA’s suggestion sparked a hilarious onslaught of support from English managers jostling for the post. “Surely we have to find a manager from England, an English manager. I'm not talking about a Scottish manager or an Irish manager [worked that out, 'arry], I'm talking about an English manager because this is where we're from, this is our country,” twitched Redknapp.
“Absolutely the next manager should be English. Without a shadow of a doubt. I think you can learn a lot from other countries but it is adapting to the culture, adapting to the way the English players are. Of course I would be interested,” said Steve Bruce.
“If you want someone to get the best out of the players, then I think an Englishman is better than a foreigner. Well, I went for it last time, so it's obviously 'me',” added Sam Allardyce, who also recently declared himself ready for the big jobs at Real Madrid, Barcelona and AC Milan when they come up next. Quick word of advice, Sam: Don’t mention your Newcastle record of eight wins in 24 games during your interview.
Because the FA thought it would also be a good idea to advertise this job a full two years before it’s even available, there’s no guarantee any of these three will be appropriate candidates when it comes up anyway. Two years ago, Martin O’Neill, Roy Hodgson, Alan Curbishley and Stuart Pearce were being touted as the next England manager. You wouldn’t give it to any of them now. Allardyce might not want to leave Madrid, Barcelona or Milan in 2012. Bruce, who spent £50m getting Sunderland 11 wins from 38 last year, may not be able to leave the house due to his swelling potato head. And Redknapp might only be allowed to leave a cell in Parkhurst on day release.
Of course, whoever does the job, English or otherwise, today or tomorrow, I won't be watching. Not because of this latest episode of complete incompetence from the FA, nor England’s dour style of play, surplus of unsavoury players and apparent objection to bringing through new talent. I won't be watching simply because they’ve just selected Kevin Davies.
I explained that if it’s good enough for the FA to recruit the next England manager purely on the basis of nationality, it’s good enough for me. Unfortunately HR weren’t very Abbey Clancy or Coleen in the understanding and forgiving stakes.
The announcement by the FA that the next England manager will be English is not only amazing because you couldn’t work in any other industry in the world and get away with saying that, but also because pretty much all English managers are shit.
It’s a well-worn pub quiz teaser that no English manager has ever won the Premier League, and that Howard Wilkinson was the last to win a top-flight title – in 1992. What’s more, until Steve McLaren last season and Harry Redknapp this, only two Englishmen - Ray Harford and Bobby Robson - had ever managed in the Champions League. Those two are dead, so they probably won’t get it.
With one swift statement, the FA have ruled out all of the world’s best football managers – ignoring that the reason England aren’t good enough stretches far beyond the nationality of the manager – a lack of investment in grass-roots football, a non-competitive culture at schools, sub-standard development of players and the flawed mentality of English footballers to name a few (see: "He loves a foreigner, that Wenger", for more views on this).
Unsurprisingly, the FA’s suggestion sparked a hilarious onslaught of support from English managers jostling for the post. “Surely we have to find a manager from England, an English manager. I'm not talking about a Scottish manager or an Irish manager [worked that out, 'arry], I'm talking about an English manager because this is where we're from, this is our country,” twitched Redknapp.
“Absolutely the next manager should be English. Without a shadow of a doubt. I think you can learn a lot from other countries but it is adapting to the culture, adapting to the way the English players are. Of course I would be interested,” said Steve Bruce.
“If you want someone to get the best out of the players, then I think an Englishman is better than a foreigner. Well, I went for it last time, so it's obviously 'me',” added Sam Allardyce, who also recently declared himself ready for the big jobs at Real Madrid, Barcelona and AC Milan when they come up next. Quick word of advice, Sam: Don’t mention your Newcastle record of eight wins in 24 games during your interview.
Because the FA thought it would also be a good idea to advertise this job a full two years before it’s even available, there’s no guarantee any of these three will be appropriate candidates when it comes up anyway. Two years ago, Martin O’Neill, Roy Hodgson, Alan Curbishley and Stuart Pearce were being touted as the next England manager. You wouldn’t give it to any of them now. Allardyce might not want to leave Madrid, Barcelona or Milan in 2012. Bruce, who spent £50m getting Sunderland 11 wins from 38 last year, may not be able to leave the house due to his swelling potato head. And Redknapp might only be allowed to leave a cell in Parkhurst on day release.
Of course, whoever does the job, English or otherwise, today or tomorrow, I won't be watching. Not because of this latest episode of complete incompetence from the FA, nor England’s dour style of play, surplus of unsavoury players and apparent objection to bringing through new talent. I won't be watching simply because they’ve just selected Kevin Davies.
Monday 4 October 2010
Goalie when needed
It used to be the Arsenal way. Assemble your team by first putting in place a fine ‘keeper - a solid foundation on which to build. How things have changed.
Much has been written about the current crop of dross we have between the sticks – so I won’t venture too much into that here. In short, though, you win nothing with a clown in goal, and Wenger’s current group of ‘keepers - Manuel Almunia (at least one major mistake per game); Lukasz Fabianski (poor decision-making, terrible wrist action); Vito Manone (even Wenger won’t give him a game); Wojciech Szczęsny (broke his wrists while weightlifting) – suggest he’s neglected the number one position somewhat. Mind you, a little look over all those who’ve donned the Rucanors under Wenger suggests he’s never much bothered with signing good goalies. In no particular order…
David Seaman: There’s not much you can say about Seaman that hasn’t already been said… unless it’s that he’s interesting, a devoted husband, and has good hair. Laugh-a-minute he weren’t, but good he was. That thing they say about the good goalkeepers being the ones who don’t need to be spectacular summed up the self-proclaimed “Safe Hands” perfectly. Forget the lobs by Nayim and Ronaldinho, in his time at Arsenal he bagged three league titles, four FA Cups, a League Cup, a Cup Winners’ Cup and the bird from the ticket office. Not bad for a mustachioed angler from Rotherham. But Wenger didn’t sign him, Graham did.
John Lukic: The best thing about John Lukic was that myth that his mother was an air-stewardess on the Man Utd plane that crashed in Munich. Sadly, it was just that – a myth. There was indeed a woman on board called Lukic, but for the story to be true John would have to have been three years older or she would have to have had the world’s longest pregnancy. Lukic had an amazing rapport with the fans and was adored during his first spell at Highbury. A quiet but effective type, George Graham’s public attempts to replace him with David Seaman resulted in an unprecedented – and unexpected – fan campaign to keep him. Whole halves of matches were ignored by fans behind the goal he stood in, as songs questioning Seaman’s wrist activities rang out. As it happened, Graham was right. Lukic went on to win another title at Leeds but Seaman was an integral part of much bigger success at Arsenal. Big John returned briefly in 2006 as a back-up ‘keeper and was there under Wenger until 2001 – when he left at the age of 41.
Alex Manninger: Manninger was born at the wrong time. As understudy to Seaman he hardly got a look in. Whereas had he been at Arsenal today he’d probably be first choice (that said, Harvey Price could probably be first choice today). When he did play, he made a big impact. His eight clean sheets in a row is still a club record and that same season he had a crucial hand in bringing the double to Highbury. In a cup tie at West Ham we were up against it. Bergkamp had been sent off for elbowing the face off Steve Lomas. Bergy protested innocence. But Lomas’ nose was over by his ear and his shirt covered in blood. Arsenal scraped a draw and Manninger saved the shoot-out penalties that kept us in the cup. In 2002, in search of first-team football, Manninger moved to Espanyol for £1m. Bizarrely they released him from his contract seven weeks later. A resurgence in form and a club injury crisis meant he was recently first choice at Juventus.
Richard Wright: I think Wright was a victim of Wenger sticking his fingers up at those crying out for him to buy British. With people bemoaning Wenger’s foreign policy, he snapped up Wright and Francis Jeffers, two of England’s best young prospects, for way over what he’d have paid for their European counterparts. He then sent them out to prove how shit and overpriced young English players are. Wright chose games at White Hart Lane to reveal he couldn’t catch Chlamydia in Basildon. Not the best of settings. He drifted away, as did Jeffers, and Wenger went off to look around Europe. Wright has recently signed for Sheffield United having been around the houses.
Vince Bartram: Vince was one of those players who was in the squad numbers on the back of the programme for what seemed like forever, yet no-one knew what he looked like because he never played. Always third or fourth choice, he was only actually at the club from ’94-’98, playing under Wenger only briefly and never actually, well, playing. Left for a tour of the lower leagues and played a couple of hundred games for Gillingham. Has the dubious honour of being forced to retire due to an injury caused by an opposition goalkeeper – after Tony Warner came up for a late corner and clattered him to the point of ending his career.
Fabian Carini: Who? This one’s a bit dubious. Wenger did a verbal deal for the Juve keeper, gave him a shirt and a squad number, and introduced him to the public via a photoshoot. Carini thought that would be a good time to slap in some higher wage demands. Wenger didn’t. He showed him the door and his Arsenal career was shorter than Wayne Rooney’s resistance at grab-a-grandma convention.
Jens Lehmann: Mental Jens. On his day, Lehmann was a great keeper. But he was prone to doing psycho things. While at times amusing to see, it would often jeopardise Arsenal’s chances, notably when he came close to ruining a very big party at WHL in 2004. That said, he was a character and he kept it interesting. “Lampard is a specialist in insulting people very badly,” he once said, insulting Lampard very badly. He also went on record with: “My coach confirmed to me that he uses a different measuring stick to evaluate Almunia. For me, this was a huge disappointment.” He might have had a point.
Rami Shaaban: I think Shaaban could have been a good goalkeeper for us. He played really well for half a dozen games but broke his leg in training and, while he was out, Arsenal signed Lehmann. Never quite returning to form, he went to West Ham on loan and then joined Brighton – which is a bit weird.
Graham Stack: Most people think footballers have a pretty easy life – thousands of pounds a week, a few hours training each day, and a maximum of just two games a week. Graham Stack had it even easier than that. In ten years as a professional goalkeeper between 1999 and 2009, he played 70 games. That’s it. Seven a year. Stack was another one who showed promise, but never quite made it. Probably distracted by the rape allegation made against him while playing on loan at Millwall.
Stuart Taylor: If you thought Graham Stack had an easy decade, you should see what Stuart Taylor was up to. Ten years (1999-2009) – 50 games. You do the math. And most of those were playing on loan in the lower leagues while being paid a big wage by the Arsenal. Money for old rope. A kind of rich version of sitting at home raking in the benefits, watching Jeremy Kyle because you’re too lazy to get a job. Like Stack, Taylor was a decent ‘keeper and showed potential at Arsenal. However, much like Bentley, Pennant and co, he believed he was worthy of a first team place – so headed off to prove Wenger wrong. He didn’t.
Mart Poom: Speaking of being rewarded for doing nothing… despite not playing in the game, nor being on the bench, and in fact never having played for the club, Mart Poom became the only Estonian ever to receive a Champions League Runners-up medal by virtue of being in Arsenal’s 25-man squad for the 2006 competition. Went on to play one first-team game – keeping a clean sheet – and recently became a goalkeeping coach at the club. Let’s hope he has more impact in his current role. It’ll be tough – what’s that phrase about polishing shit?
Much has been written about the current crop of dross we have between the sticks – so I won’t venture too much into that here. In short, though, you win nothing with a clown in goal, and Wenger’s current group of ‘keepers - Manuel Almunia (at least one major mistake per game); Lukasz Fabianski (poor decision-making, terrible wrist action); Vito Manone (even Wenger won’t give him a game); Wojciech Szczęsny (broke his wrists while weightlifting) – suggest he’s neglected the number one position somewhat. Mind you, a little look over all those who’ve donned the Rucanors under Wenger suggests he’s never much bothered with signing good goalies. In no particular order…
David Seaman: There’s not much you can say about Seaman that hasn’t already been said… unless it’s that he’s interesting, a devoted husband, and has good hair. Laugh-a-minute he weren’t, but good he was. That thing they say about the good goalkeepers being the ones who don’t need to be spectacular summed up the self-proclaimed “Safe Hands” perfectly. Forget the lobs by Nayim and Ronaldinho, in his time at Arsenal he bagged three league titles, four FA Cups, a League Cup, a Cup Winners’ Cup and the bird from the ticket office. Not bad for a mustachioed angler from Rotherham. But Wenger didn’t sign him, Graham did.
John Lukic: The best thing about John Lukic was that myth that his mother was an air-stewardess on the Man Utd plane that crashed in Munich. Sadly, it was just that – a myth. There was indeed a woman on board called Lukic, but for the story to be true John would have to have been three years older or she would have to have had the world’s longest pregnancy. Lukic had an amazing rapport with the fans and was adored during his first spell at Highbury. A quiet but effective type, George Graham’s public attempts to replace him with David Seaman resulted in an unprecedented – and unexpected – fan campaign to keep him. Whole halves of matches were ignored by fans behind the goal he stood in, as songs questioning Seaman’s wrist activities rang out. As it happened, Graham was right. Lukic went on to win another title at Leeds but Seaman was an integral part of much bigger success at Arsenal. Big John returned briefly in 2006 as a back-up ‘keeper and was there under Wenger until 2001 – when he left at the age of 41.
Alex Manninger: Manninger was born at the wrong time. As understudy to Seaman he hardly got a look in. Whereas had he been at Arsenal today he’d probably be first choice (that said, Harvey Price could probably be first choice today). When he did play, he made a big impact. His eight clean sheets in a row is still a club record and that same season he had a crucial hand in bringing the double to Highbury. In a cup tie at West Ham we were up against it. Bergkamp had been sent off for elbowing the face off Steve Lomas. Bergy protested innocence. But Lomas’ nose was over by his ear and his shirt covered in blood. Arsenal scraped a draw and Manninger saved the shoot-out penalties that kept us in the cup. In 2002, in search of first-team football, Manninger moved to Espanyol for £1m. Bizarrely they released him from his contract seven weeks later. A resurgence in form and a club injury crisis meant he was recently first choice at Juventus.
Richard Wright: I think Wright was a victim of Wenger sticking his fingers up at those crying out for him to buy British. With people bemoaning Wenger’s foreign policy, he snapped up Wright and Francis Jeffers, two of England’s best young prospects, for way over what he’d have paid for their European counterparts. He then sent them out to prove how shit and overpriced young English players are. Wright chose games at White Hart Lane to reveal he couldn’t catch Chlamydia in Basildon. Not the best of settings. He drifted away, as did Jeffers, and Wenger went off to look around Europe. Wright has recently signed for Sheffield United having been around the houses.
Vince Bartram: Vince was one of those players who was in the squad numbers on the back of the programme for what seemed like forever, yet no-one knew what he looked like because he never played. Always third or fourth choice, he was only actually at the club from ’94-’98, playing under Wenger only briefly and never actually, well, playing. Left for a tour of the lower leagues and played a couple of hundred games for Gillingham. Has the dubious honour of being forced to retire due to an injury caused by an opposition goalkeeper – after Tony Warner came up for a late corner and clattered him to the point of ending his career.
Fabian Carini: Who? This one’s a bit dubious. Wenger did a verbal deal for the Juve keeper, gave him a shirt and a squad number, and introduced him to the public via a photoshoot. Carini thought that would be a good time to slap in some higher wage demands. Wenger didn’t. He showed him the door and his Arsenal career was shorter than Wayne Rooney’s resistance at grab-a-grandma convention.
Jens Lehmann: Mental Jens. On his day, Lehmann was a great keeper. But he was prone to doing psycho things. While at times amusing to see, it would often jeopardise Arsenal’s chances, notably when he came close to ruining a very big party at WHL in 2004. That said, he was a character and he kept it interesting. “Lampard is a specialist in insulting people very badly,” he once said, insulting Lampard very badly. He also went on record with: “My coach confirmed to me that he uses a different measuring stick to evaluate Almunia. For me, this was a huge disappointment.” He might have had a point.
Rami Shaaban: I think Shaaban could have been a good goalkeeper for us. He played really well for half a dozen games but broke his leg in training and, while he was out, Arsenal signed Lehmann. Never quite returning to form, he went to West Ham on loan and then joined Brighton – which is a bit weird.
Graham Stack: Most people think footballers have a pretty easy life – thousands of pounds a week, a few hours training each day, and a maximum of just two games a week. Graham Stack had it even easier than that. In ten years as a professional goalkeeper between 1999 and 2009, he played 70 games. That’s it. Seven a year. Stack was another one who showed promise, but never quite made it. Probably distracted by the rape allegation made against him while playing on loan at Millwall.
Stuart Taylor: If you thought Graham Stack had an easy decade, you should see what Stuart Taylor was up to. Ten years (1999-2009) – 50 games. You do the math. And most of those were playing on loan in the lower leagues while being paid a big wage by the Arsenal. Money for old rope. A kind of rich version of sitting at home raking in the benefits, watching Jeremy Kyle because you’re too lazy to get a job. Like Stack, Taylor was a decent ‘keeper and showed potential at Arsenal. However, much like Bentley, Pennant and co, he believed he was worthy of a first team place – so headed off to prove Wenger wrong. He didn’t.
Mart Poom: Speaking of being rewarded for doing nothing… despite not playing in the game, nor being on the bench, and in fact never having played for the club, Mart Poom became the only Estonian ever to receive a Champions League Runners-up medal by virtue of being in Arsenal’s 25-man squad for the 2006 competition. Went on to play one first-team game – keeping a clean sheet – and recently became a goalkeeping coach at the club. Let’s hope he has more impact in his current role. It’ll be tough – what’s that phrase about polishing shit?
Thursday 23 September 2010
Say what you see…
When I was a soap-dodging student, drinking pints of watered-down beer that cost one English pound and eating two-day old pizza and pasta sandwiches for breakfast, I had a lecturer who used to bang on about language being the tool of the oppressor. It is, of course, also the tool of the twat, particularly where football is concerned. I will never understand how Ian Wright gets so much media time, for example, while Bobby Gould’s appearances on TalkShite have given such recent observations as: “Wenger is sitting on the hot chair”, “John Motson is still wearing that shepherdskin coat” and “I’m what they call a country pumpkin.” Stop that sentence three syllables short and you’re getting close to the truth, Bob.
This week I’ve been particularly amazed by the things people have chosen, or been allowed, to say. Harry Redknapp, for example, appears to be allowed to call Samir Nasri a “diver” in order to cover up his team getting thumped?
“Really I think he's dived for the first penalty,” said Redknapp, ignoring the fact not only that it was a blatant penalty because you can’t trip people up in the penalty area, but also that we had a stonewall penalty turned down at 0-0, a perfectly good goal ruled out for off-side at 1-0 and that Robbie Keane’s equaliser was offside. Apparently it’s okay for him to accuse Nasri of diving. Sky didn’t feel the need pull him up on it. No news from the authorities either.
Redknapp also baited Wenger before the match with the comment: “You need to win. Winning is great and the fans want to see some trophies. I wouldn't want to be sitting in a position where the fans go: 'It was good, he played all the kids and didn't win nothing [sic] but he has a good youth team'. That doesn't work - not for me." 1-4 work for you, ‘arry?
[Having played down the Carling Cup so much in recent years, I’ve been careful not to give too much attention to the thrashing of Spurs at WHL. For those of you who feel differently, you can enjoy the highlights again here.]
Stoke were also mouthing off again this week. The team which managed to make Ryan Shawcross and themselves the victims out of Aaron Ramsey’s broken leg at the hands of, urm, Ryan Shawcross, have been complaining they’re yet to receive an apology from Arsene Wenger for pointing out their thuggish defenders are in danger of ending someone’s career with their reckless tackling. That was on Monday. On Wednesday Stoke’s Andy Wilkinson nearly ended the career of Fulham striker Dembele with a needless tackle on the touchline while 2-0 up in injury time. Stoke assistant manager Dave Kemp said: “There is no malice in his challenge - it is just over-enthusiasm." Heard that before, Dave. Guess he’s not that type of player… and Stoke are not that type of team.
Arsenal didn’t escape the idiot talk either this week. Our fourth-choice goalkeeper, what’s his name, you know the one… blasted “Despite our talks before the season, Arsene Wenger seems to forget he has a goalkeeper named Wojciech Szczesny in the team. He is avoiding me at every occasion. Wenger told me to fight for a first-team place, but then he didn't include me in the squad for the Carling Cup game. I'm ready to play at the highest level but I need a club that believes in a 20-year-old. In Arsenal there's no such bravery… if there's a move option, we'll have words." Don’t worry about the words Arsene, show him straight to the door. After all, this is the same “top-level” goalkeeper who in 2008 broke both his arms trying to lift too many weights in the gym. If he can’t judge that right, what chance does he have on crosses?
One player who hasn’t said much this week is Titus Bramble. Three weeks ago, however, I read in The Sun that Titus, the world’s worst ever centre back, was a changed man following 2003 allegations that he’d been involved in spit-roasting a 17-year-old girl with seven other footballers. "You have to stay strong and not give anyone anything to write about. Let your football do the talking,” he had proclaimed. Imagine my surprise then to see Titus charged with rape this week. Best not give anyone anything to write about, eh Titus?
Finally… I was pleased to be sent this viral in the week. So I no longer have to go through conversations like this is exactly why I write this blog [it contains very offensive language and probably shouldn’t be played in the office]:
This week I’ve been particularly amazed by the things people have chosen, or been allowed, to say. Harry Redknapp, for example, appears to be allowed to call Samir Nasri a “diver” in order to cover up his team getting thumped?
“Really I think he's dived for the first penalty,” said Redknapp, ignoring the fact not only that it was a blatant penalty because you can’t trip people up in the penalty area, but also that we had a stonewall penalty turned down at 0-0, a perfectly good goal ruled out for off-side at 1-0 and that Robbie Keane’s equaliser was offside. Apparently it’s okay for him to accuse Nasri of diving. Sky didn’t feel the need pull him up on it. No news from the authorities either.
Redknapp also baited Wenger before the match with the comment: “You need to win. Winning is great and the fans want to see some trophies. I wouldn't want to be sitting in a position where the fans go: 'It was good, he played all the kids and didn't win nothing [sic] but he has a good youth team'. That doesn't work - not for me." 1-4 work for you, ‘arry?
[Having played down the Carling Cup so much in recent years, I’ve been careful not to give too much attention to the thrashing of Spurs at WHL. For those of you who feel differently, you can enjoy the highlights again here.]
Stoke were also mouthing off again this week. The team which managed to make Ryan Shawcross and themselves the victims out of Aaron Ramsey’s broken leg at the hands of, urm, Ryan Shawcross, have been complaining they’re yet to receive an apology from Arsene Wenger for pointing out their thuggish defenders are in danger of ending someone’s career with their reckless tackling. That was on Monday. On Wednesday Stoke’s Andy Wilkinson nearly ended the career of Fulham striker Dembele with a needless tackle on the touchline while 2-0 up in injury time. Stoke assistant manager Dave Kemp said: “There is no malice in his challenge - it is just over-enthusiasm." Heard that before, Dave. Guess he’s not that type of player… and Stoke are not that type of team.
Arsenal didn’t escape the idiot talk either this week. Our fourth-choice goalkeeper, what’s his name, you know the one… blasted “Despite our talks before the season, Arsene Wenger seems to forget he has a goalkeeper named Wojciech Szczesny in the team. He is avoiding me at every occasion. Wenger told me to fight for a first-team place, but then he didn't include me in the squad for the Carling Cup game. I'm ready to play at the highest level but I need a club that believes in a 20-year-old. In Arsenal there's no such bravery… if there's a move option, we'll have words." Don’t worry about the words Arsene, show him straight to the door. After all, this is the same “top-level” goalkeeper who in 2008 broke both his arms trying to lift too many weights in the gym. If he can’t judge that right, what chance does he have on crosses?
One player who hasn’t said much this week is Titus Bramble. Three weeks ago, however, I read in The Sun that Titus, the world’s worst ever centre back, was a changed man following 2003 allegations that he’d been involved in spit-roasting a 17-year-old girl with seven other footballers. "You have to stay strong and not give anyone anything to write about. Let your football do the talking,” he had proclaimed. Imagine my surprise then to see Titus charged with rape this week. Best not give anyone anything to write about, eh Titus?
Finally… I was pleased to be sent this viral in the week. So I no longer have to go through conversations like this is exactly why I write this blog [it contains very offensive language and probably shouldn’t be played in the office]:
Thursday 16 September 2010
Armchair observations
The downside of having a small child and a wife working shifts is missing the occasional game. Recouping 35 quid for my ticket, not having to stand in a cold Emirates devoid of atmosphere and abundant with idiot talk, saving 30 quid on a pie and a round of drinks and not having to traipse home on crap public transport at near-midnight is the upside. This week: small child to bed, telly on, good food and a comfortable seat for the game. As one of you said to me by text: “It’s like watching it in an executive box, but without the c*nts.”
From the comfort of my armchair, some observations:
I remain convinced, although slightly worried I’m paranoid (can you be paranoid that you’re paranoid?), of the media bias against Arsenal. ITV took particular joy in pointing out the game was “a mismatch” and “showed nothing to suggest Arsenal are any better equipped to win this than in previous years”. Andy Townsend went on and on and on about “how much harder it will be when Arsenal come up against Europe’s finest”. It’s a fair point, of course. But they were very praising of Chelsea’s efforts against Aldo Zilli FC, and had we watched Man U destroy a team in this way, I’m convinced they’d have been lauded for their amazing feat. Perhaps they’re waiting for us to come up against Rangers. Scottish football is rubbish. Man U vs Rangers was also a mismatch. But Andy Gray’s take was that Man U have nothing to worry about following a great attacking performance that only lacked goals. Yeah, just them goals that were missing. Nothing important. Lame.
Arsene Wenger has a grudge against me. Pre-match, during a moment of inspiration scrolling through my mobile PaddyPower app (how dangerous a creation is that?!), I lumped money on Arsenal to win 7-0. Odds of 175/1 would have knocked a nice chunk off next year’s season ticket. Bringing Denilson and Eboue on when we’re in full attacking flow is below the belt. The neighbours will be thinking two things this morning: I am very passionate about Arsenal going forward, even at 6-0 up; and Emmanuel Eboue is not my favourite all-time Arsenal player. Colourful language.
Picture the scene: Lionel Messi, the world’s shortest footballer, is in town doing a promotion. You secure a very brief television interview – a coup even for Sky. You have one question and one question only. You can ask him absolutely anything you want. Anything. So what do you ask the world’s greatest footballer? Sky: “Do you think Cesc Fabregas will join you at Barcelona?” Nice.
In-game, Arsenal cruising, playing some of the most stylish football you’ve ever seen. But wait, it’s been six minutes since we said something negative about Arsenal. Nasri makes a heavy challenge. Not a brilliant tackle, but not a dangerous one either. Commentator: “Don’t imagine Arsene Wenger saw it.” Twat.
Quote of the week: "He [Lehmann] belongs in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution." Werder Bremen's goalkeeper Tim Wiese after Jens criticised his performance. Inspired.
From the comfort of my armchair, some observations:
I remain convinced, although slightly worried I’m paranoid (can you be paranoid that you’re paranoid?), of the media bias against Arsenal. ITV took particular joy in pointing out the game was “a mismatch” and “showed nothing to suggest Arsenal are any better equipped to win this than in previous years”. Andy Townsend went on and on and on about “how much harder it will be when Arsenal come up against Europe’s finest”. It’s a fair point, of course. But they were very praising of Chelsea’s efforts against Aldo Zilli FC, and had we watched Man U destroy a team in this way, I’m convinced they’d have been lauded for their amazing feat. Perhaps they’re waiting for us to come up against Rangers. Scottish football is rubbish. Man U vs Rangers was also a mismatch. But Andy Gray’s take was that Man U have nothing to worry about following a great attacking performance that only lacked goals. Yeah, just them goals that were missing. Nothing important. Lame.
Arsene Wenger has a grudge against me. Pre-match, during a moment of inspiration scrolling through my mobile PaddyPower app (how dangerous a creation is that?!), I lumped money on Arsenal to win 7-0. Odds of 175/1 would have knocked a nice chunk off next year’s season ticket. Bringing Denilson and Eboue on when we’re in full attacking flow is below the belt. The neighbours will be thinking two things this morning: I am very passionate about Arsenal going forward, even at 6-0 up; and Emmanuel Eboue is not my favourite all-time Arsenal player. Colourful language.
Picture the scene: Lionel Messi, the world’s shortest footballer, is in town doing a promotion. You secure a very brief television interview – a coup even for Sky. You have one question and one question only. You can ask him absolutely anything you want. Anything. So what do you ask the world’s greatest footballer? Sky: “Do you think Cesc Fabregas will join you at Barcelona?” Nice.
In-game, Arsenal cruising, playing some of the most stylish football you’ve ever seen. But wait, it’s been six minutes since we said something negative about Arsenal. Nasri makes a heavy challenge. Not a brilliant tackle, but not a dangerous one either. Commentator: “Don’t imagine Arsene Wenger saw it.” Twat.
Quote of the week: "He [Lehmann] belongs in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution." Werder Bremen's goalkeeper Tim Wiese after Jens criticised his performance. Inspired.
Monday 13 September 2010
Paul Robinson... just isn't that type of player
Sometimes I wake up on a Monday and think, if you’d have tried to script Arsenal’s weekend beforehand, you wouldn’t have needed to be Mystic Meg or that spoon-bender to predict much of what happened. This weekend was one of those.
One thing, however, never fails to amaze me – no matter how many times it happens. Why do managers of crap clubs visiting Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs, where nine times out of ten they will get a thumping, book themselves on to Sky’s Goals on Sunday the following day? They aren’t looking for work and don’t need the appearance fee. So it’s either ego or the willingness of Sky to point out all the injustices of their defeat that drive their Sunday morning exposure.
This week saw the turn of Bolton, who sent Manager Owen Coyle along to explain: “We were still very much in the game at 2-1 and the sending off of Gary Cahill [for a two-footed, both-feet-off-the-ground tackle-from-behind] was a ridiculous decision that changed the result.”
“I’m sorry to laugh, but I just find it such an incredible decision,” smirked the irritating little Scotsman. “When the smaller clubs come to the elite clubs, they don't get the rub of the green.”
Sky’s approach, as always, was to massage Coyle’s sense of injustice (almost physically) while replaying the “unjustified” sending off six times. Unfortunately for Coyle, while he rambled on that “you can say what you want but these things do not even themselves out over a season”, footage ran on to Paul Robinson’s attempt to break Abu Diaby’s leg.
“Should that have been a card?” whispered Ben Shepherd (who, incredibly, is married – but then so was Elton John). “That’s the first time I’ve seen it. I’d have to look at that one again,” replied Coyle.
Did Sky oblige? The answer, of course, is a predictable ‘no’. Not even one replay, let alone six.
Then again, things don’t even themselves out you see, and the big clubs get all the big decisions. And I guess Paul Robinson “just isn’t that type of player”.
- Most people would have expected us to hit four or five against Bolton.
- Everyone knew we’d concede at least one because we can’t clear long balls and because we have a clown in goal.
- No-one would have been shocked that Bolton turned up without that new “football” they apparently play.
- We all knew Kevin Davies would deliberately try to hurt someone in the first ten minutes and get away with it.
- We knew all the pundits would say “it’s an okay result for Arsenal but they still have frailties at the back (snore) and are a top-four side at best”.
- It was likely that if there was a sending off, no-one would say “that’s a sending off”, and leave it at that.
- I wasn’t amazed to hear Gary Cahill “has only had one red card in his career and isn’t that type of player”.
- I wasn’t shocked that our 24-pass move for a goal generated less media attention that van der vaart’s (van der faart as Lineker called him) long ball into the box that bounced luckily for Modric to bang in from a yard.
- And of course, I knew as always, that a half-time pie and a pint would cost somewhere close to what Rooney pays for a packet of B&H in a Travel Tavern.
One thing, however, never fails to amaze me – no matter how many times it happens. Why do managers of crap clubs visiting Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs, where nine times out of ten they will get a thumping, book themselves on to Sky’s Goals on Sunday the following day? They aren’t looking for work and don’t need the appearance fee. So it’s either ego or the willingness of Sky to point out all the injustices of their defeat that drive their Sunday morning exposure.
This week saw the turn of Bolton, who sent Manager Owen Coyle along to explain: “We were still very much in the game at 2-1 and the sending off of Gary Cahill [for a two-footed, both-feet-off-the-ground tackle-from-behind] was a ridiculous decision that changed the result.”
“I’m sorry to laugh, but I just find it such an incredible decision,” smirked the irritating little Scotsman. “When the smaller clubs come to the elite clubs, they don't get the rub of the green.”
Sky’s approach, as always, was to massage Coyle’s sense of injustice (almost physically) while replaying the “unjustified” sending off six times. Unfortunately for Coyle, while he rambled on that “you can say what you want but these things do not even themselves out over a season”, footage ran on to Paul Robinson’s attempt to break Abu Diaby’s leg.
“Should that have been a card?” whispered Ben Shepherd (who, incredibly, is married – but then so was Elton John). “That’s the first time I’ve seen it. I’d have to look at that one again,” replied Coyle.
Did Sky oblige? The answer, of course, is a predictable ‘no’. Not even one replay, let alone six.
Then again, things don’t even themselves out you see, and the big clubs get all the big decisions. And I guess Paul Robinson “just isn’t that type of player”.
Monday 16 August 2010
New season, same old Sky
Some things never change. Ten things I hated about Sky's opening day coverage of Arsenal vs Liverpool.
I hated that they opened ‘Super Sunday’ with a lovely, warm, heart-felt, sycophantic piece about “what a lovely bloke Roy Hodgson is” and how he’s “one of the very best”… before Hairy Hands launched into Arsenal with: “No Fabregas today. We haven’t heard the last of that saga have we Paul Merson?” Probably not if you keep stirring it up.
I hated the badly mocked up “chance meeting” between Roy Hodgson and Jeff Shreeves that started with a surprised “hello Roy”, as if to suggest they weren’t expecting to see each other – despite being on the pitch, the cameras rolling and them both being mic’d up.
I hated that Joe Cole is “Joe”, Gerrard is “Stevie G”, Red Nose is “Sir Alex”, Allardyce is “Big Sam” and Paul Scholes is “Scholesy” – while Wenger is “Wenger” (or sometimes “Whinger”), Fabregas is “Fabregas” and Eduardo was “a cheat”.
I hated that they genuinely tried to claim: “Incidentally, Wenger has committed publicly to the club… isn’t that just a move to try to persuade Fabregas to stay?” Hmm, that makes sense.
I hated that Hairy Hands said “Wenger’s got it wrong not picking van Persie hasn’t he, because if you’re fit enough to be on the bench, you’re fit enough to play”, only to also say: “You can understand Torres being on the bench – he hasn’t had a lot of game time.”
I hated that, on seeing Koscielny come back out, Jamie Redknapp was allowed to say “Look at that, he’s come back out. Now you have to wonder”, implying 1) that Koscielny pretended to nearly have his knee snapped by Joe Cole, and 2) that he should only get a red card if he actually puts him in hospital.
I hated that Joe Cole was “not that type of player”, which presumably makes it alright then. Ryan Shawcross and Matt Taylor also weren’t “that type of player”.
I hated the endless stats. The best, not from this game, but the Forest game just beforehand: “If Leeds lose here today it will be the club’s 800th away league defeat – no-one will want to be a part of that”. Really? And, who worked that out anyway?
I hated that Andy ‘we said that might happen’ Gray still knew everything that was going to happen before it happened… but didn’t say so ‘til after it happened.
And, most of all, I hated that I had to listen to them endlessly telling me I can watch the game in HD, 3D, 2D, Big D, Maccy D, Double D, Jack Dee, Kiki Dee, Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich. I was half expecting Keys and Redknapp to be replaced by Richard and Ju-‘d’. Never been more bore-‘d’.
Welcome to the new season.
I hated that they opened ‘Super Sunday’ with a lovely, warm, heart-felt, sycophantic piece about “what a lovely bloke Roy Hodgson is” and how he’s “one of the very best”… before Hairy Hands launched into Arsenal with: “No Fabregas today. We haven’t heard the last of that saga have we Paul Merson?” Probably not if you keep stirring it up.
I hated the badly mocked up “chance meeting” between Roy Hodgson and Jeff Shreeves that started with a surprised “hello Roy”, as if to suggest they weren’t expecting to see each other – despite being on the pitch, the cameras rolling and them both being mic’d up.
I hated that Joe Cole is “Joe”, Gerrard is “Stevie G”, Red Nose is “Sir Alex”, Allardyce is “Big Sam” and Paul Scholes is “Scholesy” – while Wenger is “Wenger” (or sometimes “Whinger”), Fabregas is “Fabregas” and Eduardo was “a cheat”.
I hated that they genuinely tried to claim: “Incidentally, Wenger has committed publicly to the club… isn’t that just a move to try to persuade Fabregas to stay?” Hmm, that makes sense.
I hated that Hairy Hands said “Wenger’s got it wrong not picking van Persie hasn’t he, because if you’re fit enough to be on the bench, you’re fit enough to play”, only to also say: “You can understand Torres being on the bench – he hasn’t had a lot of game time.”
I hated that, on seeing Koscielny come back out, Jamie Redknapp was allowed to say “Look at that, he’s come back out. Now you have to wonder”, implying 1) that Koscielny pretended to nearly have his knee snapped by Joe Cole, and 2) that he should only get a red card if he actually puts him in hospital.
I hated that Joe Cole was “not that type of player”, which presumably makes it alright then. Ryan Shawcross and Matt Taylor also weren’t “that type of player”.
I hated the endless stats. The best, not from this game, but the Forest game just beforehand: “If Leeds lose here today it will be the club’s 800th away league defeat – no-one will want to be a part of that”. Really? And, who worked that out anyway?
I hated that Andy ‘we said that might happen’ Gray still knew everything that was going to happen before it happened… but didn’t say so ‘til after it happened.
And, most of all, I hated that I had to listen to them endlessly telling me I can watch the game in HD, 3D, 2D, Big D, Maccy D, Double D, Jack Dee, Kiki Dee, Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich. I was half expecting Keys and Redknapp to be replaced by Richard and Ju-‘d’. Never been more bore-‘d’.
Welcome to the new season.
Thursday 12 August 2010
Sack Wenger, win some shit
Unless you've been holidaying with Terry Waite's old associates or staying with the Fritzls, you'll know that Arsenal haven't won anything for five years. You'll know because every lazy football writer and commentator mentions it every five minutes.
My worry is that people believe the hype – with some idiots even calling for Wenger to be gone for failing to bring ‘silverware’ to the Emirates. Time for a reality check:
No divine right to win the league
To begin with, and despite what the red scousers and the bare-chested idiots from Newcastle might tell you, no club has a divine right to win the league. It’s really hard to do and requires luck as well as momentum. The league invariably comes down to a few points (one point last year, none in ‘89), so a couple of bad games can put paid to your title hopes pretty quickly – in our case it used to be in November, but now seems to be March. So even if you’ve got the Chelsea open chequebook or the £60m-a-year the Mancs spend on players, you’re not guaranteed to win it anyway.
Shit cups are like chocolate teapots… pointless
Although Liverpool listed the Charity Shield among their 'five cups' and Spurs still boast of their success in the 1947 Norwich Hospital Charity Cup (click here if you don't believe me), the Champions League is the only other trophy that really counts. But the Champions League is a cup competition. Any of the top sides can win it – which is why Porto did and we nearly did – and any side can lose it, which is why Chelsea, despite all their cash, never have. My point is that, however much you spend, there are no guarantees.
Building for the future...
To many, Wenger’s tighter than Beth Ditto’s waistband and needs to spend to win trophies. But the decision to build the Emirates has put massive constraints on Wenger. I honestly don’t think he’s got anywhere near the money people think. The board says there’s money to spend, but they would… otherwise clubs would target our players with even lower bids than they already do. That doesn’t mean the decision to build the Emirates was wrong. The 9,000 seats in the posh bit in the middle generate as much income as the whole of Highbury’s 38,000 seats used to. Once the stadium debt is paid for, we will have one of the world's finest sporting arenas generating enough income to ensure our future for years to come. Around the same time, other clubs will hopefully be paying for the irrational management of their finances during the global financial crisis, and we will be in a position of most clubs’ envy - alive. Until then, the money is not available to take on the likes of Man U, Chelsea and, more notably, Man City in the transfer market. So the goalposts have moved.
The new goal
Our target during this period of paying for the stadium is to keep achieving Champions League football. Anything else will be a bonus. Wenger is spot on that 3rd or 4th in the league is better than winning the League Cup or the FA Cup. Anyone can get lucky and win a cup - Millwall made the final and Portsmouth won it - but a full season sets the men from the boys. The main thing, of course, is that the rewards are so much bigger. Would you really want Wenger fielding his best eleven in the Carling Cup on a Wednesday away at Wigan if there’s a six-pointer for a Champions League spot on the Saturday? Sack Wenger and you might just end up winning some shit... and missing out on the good stuff.
Show a little faith…
Wenger’s record speaks for itself but, if anyone thinks someone else could have done a better job on his watch, (including the idiots who have suggested Jumpy-up-and-down Martin O’Neill should be brought in to replace him), here are a few pointers.
For starters, what do Tottenham, Newcastle, ‘Boro, Sunderland, Villa, Everton, the Mancs, Liverpool, Chelsea and Man City all have in common? The answer is they all have a higher net spend than Arsenal since 2004. Where are their championships, FA Cups and Champions League finals? Newcastle, Boro and Sunderland have been relegated in that time. I don’t hear commentators banging on about their lack of silverware every two minutes.
Chelsea’s have spent £248m since 2004, recouping just £100m. Wenger’s net spend per season since 2004 has been £4m. He’s achieved Champions league football every year on that budget. Every year.
Before moving to the Emirates, we were no bigger than Leeds, Villa, Everton, Newcastle, Man City, Tottenham, West Ham, Liverpool and many others who had stadiums as big as ours and therefore the same income. Arsenal have been in the Champions League for 11 seasons running. Where have the others been? Newcastle have been to Bristol Rovers for league games. Leeds have been to Cheltenham, Hereford and Yeovil.
In summary, Arsenal made a decision some years ago that, rather than stand still with our peers, we would take a punt on building a big stadium to generate long-term higher income and the chance to compete at the very top. What they saw in Wenger, a man who had already revolutionised British football with his views on fitness, training, diet and tactics, was a man who could not only steer us through the period in which we would have to pay for that plan, but who had the foresight to begin a youth policy which would also give the fans something enjoyable to watch and the chance of success every year without spending money – even if that success doesn’t always materialise. I’ll take security and hope over trips to Cheltenham, Hereford and Yeovil, Carling Cups and the Norwich Hospital Trophy any day. But the commentators aren’t interested in that, are they?
Arsene Wenger... tight.
Wednesday 11 August 2010
Can't believe all you read in the papers
Slow news day on the Sun yesterday resulted in the need for a good made up story on the front page.
The Sun triumphantly told us in its 'Crouch on the couch' story: "HEARTBROKEN Abbey Clancy hurled off her engagement ring yesterday and fled to a woman who knows EXACTLY what she's going through - John Terry's wife Toni. Abbey poured out her heart to Toni after storming from the house she shares with England striker fiancé Peter Crouch over his romps with a 19-year-old hooker. Furious Abbey banned 6ft 7ins Crouch from the bedroom and made him spend an uncomfortable night on a sofa. A source [which doesn't exist, obviously] said: "She was livid. She screamed at him to get out of her sight and banned him from their bedroom. She told him to sleep on the couch."
What is it about this that just doesn't ring true? It's not that I don't believe he spent some of his £70k-a-week in the back of a cab with an Algerian hooker. Or that Clancy raced home from filming and threw her £20k ring at him. But do they really expect me to believe that a £70k-a-week footballer lives in a one-bedroom flat and doesn't have a spare room?
A little artistic licence to make the headline fit, I think.
The Sun triumphantly told us in its 'Crouch on the couch' story: "HEARTBROKEN Abbey Clancy hurled off her engagement ring yesterday and fled to a woman who knows EXACTLY what she's going through - John Terry's wife Toni. Abbey poured out her heart to Toni after storming from the house she shares with England striker fiancé Peter Crouch over his romps with a 19-year-old hooker. Furious Abbey banned 6ft 7ins Crouch from the bedroom and made him spend an uncomfortable night on a sofa. A source [which doesn't exist, obviously] said: "She was livid. She screamed at him to get out of her sight and banned him from their bedroom. She told him to sleep on the couch."
What is it about this that just doesn't ring true? It's not that I don't believe he spent some of his £70k-a-week in the back of a cab with an Algerian hooker. Or that Clancy raced home from filming and threw her £20k ring at him. But do they really expect me to believe that a £70k-a-week footballer lives in a one-bedroom flat and doesn't have a spare room?
A little artistic licence to make the headline fit, I think.
Thursday 5 August 2010
Once bitten, but not twice shy, it seems
There's probably some old proverb about the more you hit a dog with a stick, the more it comes back for more. Or something. Anyway, loving the boundless optimism of the scousers re the proposed takeover. No doubt it's fuelled by the following talk...
"Agreement has been reached on all major terms including the purchase price, repayment of the existing bank debt and financing of a new stadium in Liverpool’s Stanley Park."
Takeover contender Yahya Kirdi, 5 August 2010
Great news. Except that sounds a bit like this: "We have purchased the club with no debt on the club. We will provide capital for a new stadium, with work due to start on that within the next 60 days. We understand the importance of investing on and off the field."
George Gillett and Tom Hicks, 6 February 2007
The scousers are missing what the bidders do for a living. Yahya Kirdi looks after "oversees investments in Europe and North America on behalf of his investor group". Another bidder is the China Investment Company (CIC). Another is Dubai International Capital. And another is Rhone Capital.
'Investment' and 'capital'. Their business is to invest money in things from which they will gain more capital. In football, you do not achieve profit by paying off £300m debts, building a stadium and buying loads of players. You do it by stripping out the assets, lumping the debt on to what remains and moving on.
That's why Hicks and Gillett's parting shot when putting the club up for sale was to say: "Owning Liverpool Football Club over these past three years has been a rewarding experience for us and our families." I'll say.
The really sad thing is that this will probably be us in a year or two. God forbid.
"Agreement has been reached on all major terms including the purchase price, repayment of the existing bank debt and financing of a new stadium in Liverpool’s Stanley Park."
Takeover contender Yahya Kirdi, 5 August 2010
Great news. Except that sounds a bit like this: "We have purchased the club with no debt on the club. We will provide capital for a new stadium, with work due to start on that within the next 60 days. We understand the importance of investing on and off the field."
George Gillett and Tom Hicks, 6 February 2007
The scousers are missing what the bidders do for a living. Yahya Kirdi looks after "oversees investments in Europe and North America on behalf of his investor group". Another bidder is the China Investment Company (CIC). Another is Dubai International Capital. And another is Rhone Capital.
'Investment' and 'capital'. Their business is to invest money in things from which they will gain more capital. In football, you do not achieve profit by paying off £300m debts, building a stadium and buying loads of players. You do it by stripping out the assets, lumping the debt on to what remains and moving on.
That's why Hicks and Gillett's parting shot when putting the club up for sale was to say: "Owning Liverpool Football Club over these past three years has been a rewarding experience for us and our families." I'll say.
The really sad thing is that this will probably be us in a year or two. God forbid.
Wednesday 4 August 2010
"He loves a foreigner, that Wenger"
The BBC says: "Despite the Premier League being hailed the world's leading domestic competition, that success has yet to be transformed into an improved England national team. Critics have pointed to the high number of overseas players, denying home-grown talent a chance to play."
Perhaps I'm being more Jade Goody (thick, not dead) than Stephen Hawking about this, but I honestly don't understand the link. Is the premise that reducing the number of good foreign players so less-good English ones can play will make the English ones better? How does that make sense? Surely it will just result in a false sense of ability, so England rock up at a tournament thinking they're good because they've only been exposed to each other - only to find they're crap compared with the rest (a bit like the recent World Cup, but on a bigger scale).
This brings me on to the new - and mental - Premier League squad rule. In short: maximum squad of 25 players; seven or more must be 'home grown'. The aim is to reduce the size of the rich clubs' squads and to give the English players a chance to play. Except that's badly thought out too. Take Jack Wilshere, for example. He will stay at Arsenal so Wenger can include him in his 'home grown' contingent. But he won't play nearly as much as he would out on loan at, say, Bolton. So that's backfired.
The real issue to be tackled is how English kids are developed. The best players will always rise to the top, wherever they come from. The fact that not enough English ones are rising to the top is because development in this country is not good enough. It's because clubs pick up big, strong, powerful kids and, when they reach 16, realise they can't play football and so release them to a life of working at Morrison's because they gave up on school thinking they were "gonna make it".
Wenger also gets a lot of stick for not signing English players. And it's true he's only signed six Englishmen in 14 years. That's partly because the English equivalent of a £10m defender will probably cost £25m to buy and Wenger is astute. But it's also because when he's had English players, he's had his fingers burned: Bentley (over-rated, under-talented, has to walk everywhere), Jeffers (more pox than fox, released by Ipswich), Richard Wright (couldn't catch), Theo Walcott (doesn't have a trick), Jermaine Pennant (over-rated and a wanker), Matthew Upson (no pace, can't turn, found his level at West Ham), Sol Campbell (obviously a success but went home at half time because we were losing, hence mentally unstable), Justin Hoyte (Middlesboro).
The point is that it's easy to blame the lack of English talent on foreign players or, quite simply, Arsene Wenger not playing or buying English players. However, 42% of the players who played in the Premier League last years were eligible for England. But were 42% of the best players in the Premier League English? No. That's because simply giving them a game doesn't make them the best. They have to be good enough in the first place.
Perhaps I'm being more Jade Goody (thick, not dead) than Stephen Hawking about this, but I honestly don't understand the link. Is the premise that reducing the number of good foreign players so less-good English ones can play will make the English ones better? How does that make sense? Surely it will just result in a false sense of ability, so England rock up at a tournament thinking they're good because they've only been exposed to each other - only to find they're crap compared with the rest (a bit like the recent World Cup, but on a bigger scale).
This brings me on to the new - and mental - Premier League squad rule. In short: maximum squad of 25 players; seven or more must be 'home grown'. The aim is to reduce the size of the rich clubs' squads and to give the English players a chance to play. Except that's badly thought out too. Take Jack Wilshere, for example. He will stay at Arsenal so Wenger can include him in his 'home grown' contingent. But he won't play nearly as much as he would out on loan at, say, Bolton. So that's backfired.
The real issue to be tackled is how English kids are developed. The best players will always rise to the top, wherever they come from. The fact that not enough English ones are rising to the top is because development in this country is not good enough. It's because clubs pick up big, strong, powerful kids and, when they reach 16, realise they can't play football and so release them to a life of working at Morrison's because they gave up on school thinking they were "gonna make it".
Wenger also gets a lot of stick for not signing English players. And it's true he's only signed six Englishmen in 14 years. That's partly because the English equivalent of a £10m defender will probably cost £25m to buy and Wenger is astute. But it's also because when he's had English players, he's had his fingers burned: Bentley (over-rated, under-talented, has to walk everywhere), Jeffers (more pox than fox, released by Ipswich), Richard Wright (couldn't catch), Theo Walcott (doesn't have a trick), Jermaine Pennant (over-rated and a wanker), Matthew Upson (no pace, can't turn, found his level at West Ham), Sol Campbell (obviously a success but went home at half time because we were losing, hence mentally unstable), Justin Hoyte (Middlesboro).
The point is that it's easy to blame the lack of English talent on foreign players or, quite simply, Arsene Wenger not playing or buying English players. However, 42% of the players who played in the Premier League last years were eligible for England. But were 42% of the best players in the Premier League English? No. That's because simply giving them a game doesn't make them the best. They have to be good enough in the first place.
Friday 30 July 2010
Bets, Cesc, sense and no sense of tatse
Tittle tattle...
Carlos Puyol has become the 617th Barca player to come out and openly beg for Cesc's release from the prison cell that is his multi-million pound lifestyle, saying: "He is having to stay at a club where he no longer wants to be. I wonder how intelligent it is keeping a player who doesn't want to be there." I wonder how intelligent it is signing a six-year contract if your dream is somewhere else..? Perhaps Puyol should have been a bit more outspoken then. Or maybe a shorter deal wouldn't have been as lucrative? Either way, what's it got to do with him anyway? He needs to concentrate less on Cesc and more on his 'just been raped in the prison showers' haircut.
In 1990, while watching World Cup Italia, Harry Redknapp had a car accident which left him with no sense of smell or tatse. The second, of course, is evident.
Only three players have won post-war league titles with two different clubs. Henning Berg (Blackburn and the Mancs) is one. Who are the others, including one Gooner?
[There is a lot of false information on the internet and I will not be including quiz questions in the blog again. Nicholas Anelka, Ray Kennedy, Eric Cantona, Henning Berg have all won league titles with more than one club. The one you were looking for, however, and didn't get, was John Lukic. Lesson learned.]
SkyBet are offering 5/6 for Emile Heskey to score four or more league goals during the entire 2010/11 season. Sound like a good bet? Last year, he scored three!
Carlos Puyol has become the 617th Barca player to come out and openly beg for Cesc's release from the prison cell that is his multi-million pound lifestyle, saying: "He is having to stay at a club where he no longer wants to be. I wonder how intelligent it is keeping a player who doesn't want to be there." I wonder how intelligent it is signing a six-year contract if your dream is somewhere else..? Perhaps Puyol should have been a bit more outspoken then. Or maybe a shorter deal wouldn't have been as lucrative? Either way, what's it got to do with him anyway? He needs to concentrate less on Cesc and more on his 'just been raped in the prison showers' haircut.
In 1990, while watching World Cup Italia, Harry Redknapp had a car accident which left him with no sense of smell or tatse. The second, of course, is evident.
Only three players have won post-war league titles with two different clubs. Henning Berg (Blackburn and the Mancs) is one. Who are the others, including one Gooner?
[There is a lot of false information on the internet and I will not be including quiz questions in the blog again. Nicholas Anelka, Ray Kennedy, Eric Cantona, Henning Berg have all won league titles with more than one club. The one you were looking for, however, and didn't get, was John Lukic. Lesson learned.]
SkyBet are offering 5/6 for Emile Heskey to score four or more league goals during the entire 2010/11 season. Sound like a good bet? Last year, he scored three!
Wednesday 28 July 2010
Making an ass of himself
Leading on nicely from yesterday's blog, there really is nothing Harry Redknapp won't do for a bit of publicity. If he's not openly tapping up other teams' players in the press, he's on the phone to Sky Sports News or jabbering away on TalkSport. Standing in the choir on the Venables-singing advert for The Sun was a low point. Today's effort in the Sun eclipses all others though. I'm still unsure as to whether this is a joke or not. It's so ridiculous that even The Sun isn’t running it on its own website.
The best bits are:
"Donkeys, horses, foxes and birds - I'm passionate about caring for them in the right way." Foxes? Really?
"[Redknapp] is known as the Birdman of White Hart Lane by players because he throws bread to birds during training sessions." That's not true.
Sadly, they didn’t run the quote where he says: "It's a great donkey and any manager would want him. I'm no different. But he's someone else's donkey. If he became available then of course I'd be interested. Anyone would." [See yesterday's blog].
On a serious note, would you ever see Arsene Wenger do a piece like this? No. Class is the difference.
Tuesday 27 July 2010
Twitching and tapping...
Having seen many Arsenal players tapped up over the years, I always appreciate clubs taking a strong stance against it...
Spurs Chairman Daniel Levy, 18 July 2008:
"Public comments by Manchester United's manager, announcing that he has made an offer for Dimitar [Berbatov] and is confident that the deal will go through, is a blatant example of interference with one of our players.
"Our position has been severely compromised by the club making contact with the player and his agent, without the club's permission. This has shown Manchester United to be in breach of Premier League rules. As a result, we have today made an official complaint."
Although if you do take such a strong stance, you should probably practice what you preach...
Spurs manager Harry Redknapp:
On Robbie Keane: “Robbie Keane is a fantastic player but he belongs to Liverpool. I wouldn't say I wouldn't like him at the football club, but he belongs to Liverpool so it is not an option. As a player and a person I have a lot of time for Robbie. I think he is fantastic.”
On Jermain Defoe: "If the price is right and if Tony and Peter Storrie want to sell him and it's what we consider at our valuation and theirs, then fine, he is a good player.”
On Luis Fabiano: "Yes, I like him. He's a fabulous player and would be a brilliant addition to any team. I am not unhappy with the squad I have, but of course if a special player came along I would look at it, and Fabiano is a special player all right. For sure, he is a class act.”
On Ruud Van Nistelrooy: "He's an interesting player. He was fantastic in England and a great goalscorer. If he was available it could be of interest. It's not impossible... if it was right we could be interested."
On Sandro. “He can play. I'd like to go and have a look myself and, if we do decide to do anything, it'll be up to the chairman to push it on from there."
On Joe Cole: “I'm not saying if he hadn't agreed a deal with someone and he was available and didn't stay at Chelsea that we wouldn't be interested. I'm a big fan of Joe's.”
On Klaas-Jan Huntelaar: “The lad is a very good goalscorer and I'm still interested in him. I know of Stuttgart's involvement but I'm hoping we will still be able to do something. There's a lot of talk about who I may or may not be after but Huntelaar is the one I like."
On Patrick Vieira: “I'm still interested in Patrick and he wants to play here."
On David Beckham: “If the opportunity was there to sign him any club would have to think about it. David Beckham is a fantastic player, but he is also a terrific role model and a terrific professional. I'm not saying I would sign him and I wouldn't want to be disrespectful to him and say I wouldn't sign him. But it's a million to one shot – he'd bring something to the football club.”
My personal favourite...
Tapping up the entire Uruguayan nation: "I like all the Uruguayan players. They’re all good. I think Forlan would have another two or three good years in the Premier League, but his wages could be a problem."
Spurs Chairman Daniel Levy, 18 July 2008:
"Public comments by Manchester United's manager, announcing that he has made an offer for Dimitar [Berbatov] and is confident that the deal will go through, is a blatant example of interference with one of our players.
"Our position has been severely compromised by the club making contact with the player and his agent, without the club's permission. This has shown Manchester United to be in breach of Premier League rules. As a result, we have today made an official complaint."
Although if you do take such a strong stance, you should probably practice what you preach...
Spurs manager Harry Redknapp:
On Robbie Keane: “Robbie Keane is a fantastic player but he belongs to Liverpool. I wouldn't say I wouldn't like him at the football club, but he belongs to Liverpool so it is not an option. As a player and a person I have a lot of time for Robbie. I think he is fantastic.”
On Jermain Defoe: "If the price is right and if Tony and Peter Storrie want to sell him and it's what we consider at our valuation and theirs, then fine, he is a good player.”
On Luis Fabiano: "Yes, I like him. He's a fabulous player and would be a brilliant addition to any team. I am not unhappy with the squad I have, but of course if a special player came along I would look at it, and Fabiano is a special player all right. For sure, he is a class act.”
On Ruud Van Nistelrooy: "He's an interesting player. He was fantastic in England and a great goalscorer. If he was available it could be of interest. It's not impossible... if it was right we could be interested."
On Sandro. “He can play. I'd like to go and have a look myself and, if we do decide to do anything, it'll be up to the chairman to push it on from there."
On Joe Cole: “I'm not saying if he hadn't agreed a deal with someone and he was available and didn't stay at Chelsea that we wouldn't be interested. I'm a big fan of Joe's.”
On Klaas-Jan Huntelaar: “The lad is a very good goalscorer and I'm still interested in him. I know of Stuttgart's involvement but I'm hoping we will still be able to do something. There's a lot of talk about who I may or may not be after but Huntelaar is the one I like."
On Patrick Vieira: “I'm still interested in Patrick and he wants to play here."
On David Beckham: “If the opportunity was there to sign him any club would have to think about it. David Beckham is a fantastic player, but he is also a terrific role model and a terrific professional. I'm not saying I would sign him and I wouldn't want to be disrespectful to him and say I wouldn't sign him. But it's a million to one shot – he'd bring something to the football club.”
My personal favourite...
Tapping up the entire Uruguayan nation: "I like all the Uruguayan players. They’re all good. I think Forlan would have another two or three good years in the Premier League, but his wages could be a problem."
Friday 23 July 2010
People in glass houses
I love that all footballers have short memories.
Richard Dunne: "I didn't see [France's world cup exit] but I did laugh. Henry admitted afterwards he handled it, but it doesn't make me feel any better. We were cheated."
Strong words. It's a good job he's never handballed it himself:
At Ewood Park, Richard Dunne… deliberately handled in the box in a huge turning point in Aston Villa's defeat to Blackburn.
Daily Mail, 30 September 2009
Referee Alan Wiley seemed to lose control somewhat as tempers flared and Everton were left incensed on several occasions, including when former player Richard Dunne handled a Leighton Baines cross in the area but no penalty was awarded.
Liverpool Echo, 27 April 2009
From Radostin Kishishev's free-kick, Walton ruled that Richard Dunne had handled the ball and awarded a penalty.
Manchester City fans’ website, 10 January 2004
Richard Dunne: "I didn't see [France's world cup exit] but I did laugh. Henry admitted afterwards he handled it, but it doesn't make me feel any better. We were cheated."
Strong words. It's a good job he's never handballed it himself:
At Ewood Park, Richard Dunne… deliberately handled in the box in a huge turning point in Aston Villa's defeat to Blackburn.
Daily Mail, 30 September 2009
Referee Alan Wiley seemed to lose control somewhat as tempers flared and Everton were left incensed on several occasions, including when former player Richard Dunne handled a Leighton Baines cross in the area but no penalty was awarded.
Liverpool Echo, 27 April 2009
From Radostin Kishishev's free-kick, Walton ruled that Richard Dunne had handled the ball and awarded a penalty.
Manchester City fans’ website, 10 January 2004
Wednesday 21 July 2010
Too many cooks?
Football when I was a kid: A hotdog, packet of roasted peanuts (30 pence a bag), 22 players, a referee, two linesmen and a ball. For more than 100 years it was enough, and football was the biggest game in the world.
But the mentalists at FIFA can't leave it alone. Next season, the Champions League will be home to the ridiculous experiment of six referees in a game.
It seems that it was such a roaring success in the Europa League last season that they want to try it out on the biggest stage of all. Except it wasn't. Anyone who saw the farcical last few minutes of Fulham vs Roma, when the referee tried to send off 9ft 12in(ish) blonde Brede Hangeland for a foul committed in the box by 4ft 5in(ish) brown-haired Michael Brown, will know the extra officials merely caused masses of confusion, a 10-minute delay and made a joke out of a competition which, let's face it, really didn't need any help.
Why can't they just leave the game as it is? Controversial decisions and human error are part of what makes football so appealing. I'm the first to get mildly irritated (!) when we're robbed of a Champions League semi-final place by the scousers thanks to two terrible penalty decisions over two games (still bitter). But we've benefitted from a few bad decisions ourselves in the past, and you shouldn't want to change football's controversies for all the virgins in Steven Gerrard's address book.
And I'll tell you why: it's these things that fuel the talking points after games, get the arguments going among colleagues and friends, give the pundits and the phone-in shows a reason for being. It's also these incidents which give you an 'out' for your team's shite performance. How many times have Arsenal had a total shocker but the only talking point in the boozer has been how we were robbed by a corner that wasn't, a linesman's flag or a sending off? I bet there was many a game where Phillipe Senderos longed for a bit of controversy to take the focus off his game.
More than this, though, it's the current refereeing set-up that gives me those few nano-seconds of hope, that briefest chance of salvation, that glimmer that all is not lost when the opposition pops one into the goal down below me. Just as it hits the net but before the faint sound of the opposing fans' celebrations reaches the North Bank, I always catch myself glancing to the linesman for that signal that he's seen an offside or a handball that just wasn't there - thereby ruling out the goal and preserving our title credentials. It's like a second chance at the lottery... you know it's incredibly unlikely, but all hope is not lost. You still check in hope.
I wish they would stop looking for ways to take that away from us, and leave the beautiful game as it. If you take all the controversy out of football, you might just be left with something that's not very interesting at all. Then people will lose the passion for it, the people at home will stop watching, and Sky might take its money elsewhere. Then where will we be?
If they have to clamp down on something, forget about the one 'goal' a season that did or didn't cross the line, and instead clamp down on Rooney swearing his face off down the camera through which kids are watching, or the players who break other players' legs because they don't have the ability to beat them fairly?
That's a cause much more worth fighting for.
Monday 19 July 2010
Would you buy a second-hand car from this man?
If, as rumblings suggest, Fabregas might stay, it will be a big victory for Wenger. Every summer one of our players is tapped up by a European club with too much money, few morals and no class. This year has been no exception.
The difference is, in the past, I think Wenger was ready to let every one of them go. And, a look back at some of the deals he cut for his star men reveal he's not the sort of bloke I'd ever buy a second-hand motor from...
Henry: Obviously one of the best players ever to don the white sleeves, in truth it was a wonder we kept TH14 as long as we did. In the end, a combination of Barca's persistence and a bit of trouble with the old lady drove him abroad. Having banked Arsenal's goals record, Wenger sold for a profit of £6m. Barca had great success in the Henry years, but despite a release clause of €125million, he watched much of it from the bench, making only 80 appearances before quitting football to join an American team. That works out at £200,000 a game. In truth, we may have got one more good year from TH14... but by that time he'd have been worth half what we sold him for. Wenger win.
Vieira: Vieira was courted every summer for 916 years before moving to Juve and then on to Inter. Wenger's defences held strong for 279 games, but he caved in when Inter delivered a cheque for 20m eurobobs. Four back-to-back Serie A titles and two cups came his way at Inter... but just 67 appearances (working out at £238,805 a game) show what a bit-part he was to that success. This would be a Wenger win... if only he'd bought a defensive midfielder to replace PV4. We're still waiting, Arsene.
Hleb: Hleb is married to Anastasia Kosenkova, an ex-singer of the Belarusian pop group 'Topless'. But that wasn't enough to stop him having his head turned by Barcelona. He believed his own hype, but Wenger didn't, so when they offered Wenger more than he'd paid for him, he let him go. He played 19 games. That's just shy of €1m per game. Wenger win.
Ljungberg: My favourite players to fail when they move on are the ones that really mouth off. Freddie was signed for £3m at the age of 21, scored vital and memorable goals, got ink poisoning from a tattoo that everyone thought was Aids and was sold to West Ham for £3m. Upon his departure, he said: "When I signed my last contract two years ago we talked about the future, building a new stadium and bringing in top players, but it didn't really happen. I am coming here to build a great team. Eggert Magnusson wants to take West Ham to the top of the country." 25 games later Ljungberg left and West Ham effectively went bust. They are yet to reach "the top of the country". Wenger win.
Overmars: Overmars signed for ₤5.5m in 2000. He also joined Barcelona (see a pattern here, can't you), and his ₤25m price tag made him the most expensive Dutch player of all time. However, his 95 games came at a cost of £252,525 a game before injury ended it all too early. He didn't win a single trophy at Barca. Wenger win.
Petit: If Overmars was a dodgy, patched-up second-hand motor, Petit was the free seat covers thrown in as part of the deal. Yet another player to be drawn to the bright lights of the Nou Camp, he only stood under them 23 times before leaving for pre-Abramovich Chelsea. He said in his autobiography that coach Llorenç Serra Ferrer didn't even know what position he played. I didn't know "the bench" was an official position. Wenger win.
Toure: Kolo's sale was one of my favourites because if you look at the facts it's ridiculous. Bought for £150k as a right winger, Wenger turned him into a centreback after allegedly waking one night with a vision of Kolo in the number 5 shirt. For several years we had one of the best centre backs in the country. Then he turned crap and had a dreadful season and a half. Manchester City received an open chequebook from ArabbanksRus, so Wenger phoned them up, told them they could have for £16m and done the deal. Would you rather have Toure or Thomas Vermaelen plus £6m? Wenger win.
Anelka: Nasty Nic - the man who started it all off. As with Fabregas, I think AW really wanted to keep Anelka. However, his brothers are his agents and only get paid a commission when he moves clubs - hence Anelka has played for Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea, Real Madrid, Lyon, Manchester City, Fenerbahçe, Paris Saint-Germain (twice) and, er, Bolton - and is still only 31. With a terrible temperament, Wenger sold the Incredible Sulk for 46 times what he paid for him, banked £13.5m and spent £10m on Thierry Henry. Wenger win.
Cesc Fabregas: 'Stolen' from Barca on a free. TBC...
The difference is, in the past, I think Wenger was ready to let every one of them go. And, a look back at some of the deals he cut for his star men reveal he's not the sort of bloke I'd ever buy a second-hand motor from...
Henry: Obviously one of the best players ever to don the white sleeves, in truth it was a wonder we kept TH14 as long as we did. In the end, a combination of Barca's persistence and a bit of trouble with the old lady drove him abroad. Having banked Arsenal's goals record, Wenger sold for a profit of £6m. Barca had great success in the Henry years, but despite a release clause of €125million, he watched much of it from the bench, making only 80 appearances before quitting football to join an American team. That works out at £200,000 a game. In truth, we may have got one more good year from TH14... but by that time he'd have been worth half what we sold him for. Wenger win.
Vieira: Vieira was courted every summer for 916 years before moving to Juve and then on to Inter. Wenger's defences held strong for 279 games, but he caved in when Inter delivered a cheque for 20m eurobobs. Four back-to-back Serie A titles and two cups came his way at Inter... but just 67 appearances (working out at £238,805 a game) show what a bit-part he was to that success. This would be a Wenger win... if only he'd bought a defensive midfielder to replace PV4. We're still waiting, Arsene.
Hleb: Hleb is married to Anastasia Kosenkova, an ex-singer of the Belarusian pop group 'Topless'. But that wasn't enough to stop him having his head turned by Barcelona. He believed his own hype, but Wenger didn't, so when they offered Wenger more than he'd paid for him, he let him go. He played 19 games. That's just shy of €1m per game. Wenger win.
Ljungberg: My favourite players to fail when they move on are the ones that really mouth off. Freddie was signed for £3m at the age of 21, scored vital and memorable goals, got ink poisoning from a tattoo that everyone thought was Aids and was sold to West Ham for £3m. Upon his departure, he said: "When I signed my last contract two years ago we talked about the future, building a new stadium and bringing in top players, but it didn't really happen. I am coming here to build a great team. Eggert Magnusson wants to take West Ham to the top of the country." 25 games later Ljungberg left and West Ham effectively went bust. They are yet to reach "the top of the country". Wenger win.
Overmars: Overmars signed for ₤5.5m in 2000. He also joined Barcelona (see a pattern here, can't you), and his ₤25m price tag made him the most expensive Dutch player of all time. However, his 95 games came at a cost of £252,525 a game before injury ended it all too early. He didn't win a single trophy at Barca. Wenger win.
Petit: If Overmars was a dodgy, patched-up second-hand motor, Petit was the free seat covers thrown in as part of the deal. Yet another player to be drawn to the bright lights of the Nou Camp, he only stood under them 23 times before leaving for pre-Abramovich Chelsea. He said in his autobiography that coach Llorenç Serra Ferrer didn't even know what position he played. I didn't know "the bench" was an official position. Wenger win.
Toure: Kolo's sale was one of my favourites because if you look at the facts it's ridiculous. Bought for £150k as a right winger, Wenger turned him into a centreback after allegedly waking one night with a vision of Kolo in the number 5 shirt. For several years we had one of the best centre backs in the country. Then he turned crap and had a dreadful season and a half. Manchester City received an open chequebook from ArabbanksRus, so Wenger phoned them up, told them they could have for £16m and done the deal. Would you rather have Toure or Thomas Vermaelen plus £6m? Wenger win.
Anelka: Nasty Nic - the man who started it all off. As with Fabregas, I think AW really wanted to keep Anelka. However, his brothers are his agents and only get paid a commission when he moves clubs - hence Anelka has played for Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea, Real Madrid, Lyon, Manchester City, Fenerbahçe, Paris Saint-Germain (twice) and, er, Bolton - and is still only 31. With a terrible temperament, Wenger sold the Incredible Sulk for 46 times what he paid for him, banked £13.5m and spent £10m on Thierry Henry. Wenger win.
Cesc Fabregas: 'Stolen' from Barca on a free. TBC...
Friday 16 July 2010
Fragile midget midfielders
Any day now Joe Cole will cash in on being a free agent. Expect we'll see Redknapp whoring Spurs across Sky Sports News, Talkshite and his column in the Sun every five minutes. Paddy Power have Spurs as 13/8 to snap him up, followed by us at 9/4, with Liverpool 7/2.
While I can see why AW might fancy a slice of a free agent the quality of Joe Cole, we do already have about 28 fragile midget midfielders who look good going forward one game in three but go missing regularly, do little in the way of tracking back and get injured 14 times in a game.
What's more, I'd much rather we brought in a genuinely defensive midfielder - to replace the ones signed on the basis that they look a bit like Patrick Vieira but play like Patrick Swayze (a la Abu Diaby).
More than that, though, I just hope any negotiations with Cole are done the George Graham way.
Having been offered a deal by The Arsenal, Andy Sinton wanted to hear what Sheffield Wednesday could also offer him. He returned to say Weds had made a better offer - and asked if The Arsenal would match it. George told him the offer no longer stood on the basis that you sign for Arsenal because you want to play for Arsenal - and that's it.
Sinton's punishment: three years at Sheffield Wednesday followed by three long years at Spurs. Take note, Joe Cole.
While I can see why AW might fancy a slice of a free agent the quality of Joe Cole, we do already have about 28 fragile midget midfielders who look good going forward one game in three but go missing regularly, do little in the way of tracking back and get injured 14 times in a game.
What's more, I'd much rather we brought in a genuinely defensive midfielder - to replace the ones signed on the basis that they look a bit like Patrick Vieira but play like Patrick Swayze (a la Abu Diaby).
More than that, though, I just hope any negotiations with Cole are done the George Graham way.
Having been offered a deal by The Arsenal, Andy Sinton wanted to hear what Sheffield Wednesday could also offer him. He returned to say Weds had made a better offer - and asked if The Arsenal would match it. George told him the offer no longer stood on the basis that you sign for Arsenal because you want to play for Arsenal - and that's it.
Sinton's punishment: three years at Sheffield Wednesday followed by three long years at Spurs. Take note, Joe Cole.
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