Judging by the slating he’s been getting of late, it wouldn’t surprise me if a poll of the world’s most unpopular people saw Arsene Wenger up there with the likes of Ian Huntley, Ian Brady and Osama Bin Laden right now. Ashley Cole would obviously be top of the list.
From Tony Pulis to Fat Sam and Ryan Shawcross, the football world has been queuing up to have a pop at Wenger just lately.
This week, Wolves Chairman Jez Moxey waded in, bleating: “keep your mouth shut. Play the game, play aggressive, let everybody play. Wilshere and your [Wenger's] other players are going to make similar challenges [to the Wolves challenge which broke Bobby Zamora’s leg]. All he said was exactly the same as every other manager has and yet he is one of the managers who goes on the front foot, moaning and complaining and bitching about it because it is unfair on his team.”
Wenger’s retort, of course, was pure class. When asked if he had seen the comments made by Jez Moxey, he replied: “Who?”
You see it’s easy to run your mouth off and tell people to “keep your mouth shut”. It’s a little more difficult to talk about the game with the class and guile of Arsene Wenger:
On Alex Ferguson claiming Manchester United played the best football, despite Arsenal winning the league:
"Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home."
After the Arsenal fans booed a 1-1 draw with Middlesbrough in November 1998:
"If you eat caviar every day it's difficult to return to sausages."
On Jose Mourinho accusing him of being a voyeur:
"When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid sometimes and not more intelligent."
On Arsenal lacking a little confidence:
"A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful."
In response to Sepp Blatter's accusation that big clubs were guilty of 'child slavery’:
"If you have a child who is a good musician, what is your first reaction? It is to put them into a good music school, not in an average one. So why should that not happen in football?"
On Sol Campbell joining Portsmouth, having been released by Arsenal because he wanted to play overseas:
"It is a big surprise to me because he cancelled his contract to go abroad. Have you sold Portsmouth to a foreign country?"
On the success of the Great Britain swimming team at the Olympics:
"I didn't know the English were good at swimming. I have been in this country for 12 years and I haven't seen a swimming pool."
On Emmanuel Adebayor's stamp on Robin van Persie:
"I watched it when I got home and it looked very bad. You ask 100 people, 99 will say it's very bad and the hundredth will be Mark Hughes."
On Alex Ferguson criticising Arsenal’s disciplinary record:
"Ferguson should calm down. Maybe it would have been better if he had put us against a wall and shot us."
Upon being asked if he had received the apology that Alex Ferguson claimed he had sent to Wenger:
“No. Perhaps he sent it by horse."
On players being called up for international duty:
"What the national coaches are doing is like taking the car from the garage without even asking permission. They will then use the car for ten days and abandon it in a field without any petrol left in the tank. We then have to recover it, but it is broken down. Then a month later they will come to take your car again, and for good measure you're expected to be nice about it."
On Arsenal's recruitment of foreign players:
"If I give you a good wine, you will see how it tastes… and only after you ask where it comes from."
On buying expensive stars:
"We do not buy superstars. We make them."
On clubs selling their history:
"We try to go a different way that, for me, is respectable. Briefly, these are the basics. I thought: ‘We are building a stadium, so I will get young players in early so I do not find myself exposed on the transfer market without the money to compete with the others. I build a team, and we compensate by creating a style of play, by creating a culture at the club because the boy comes in at 16 or 17 and when they go out they have a supplement of soul, of love for the club, because they have been educated together. The people you meet at college from 16 to 20, often those are the relationships in life that keep going. That, I think, will give us strength that other clubs will not have."
Friday 29 October 2010
Wednesday 27 October 2010
Talking Poll-ocks
The best thing about Graham Poll is that his name rhymes with ‘arsehole’. The second best thing is that he is an arsehole. A terrace songsmith’s dream.
Like many referees, Poll had many weaknesses. His constant desire for the limelight pushed him to make frequent bad decisions and to meddle in minor incidents that were better left alone.
But his main downfall, of course, was more fundamental. He couldn’t count. His decision to book the same player three times and then send him off at the final whistle of the Croatia v Australia match at the 2006 World Cup Finals (below) – the biggest stage of all - prompted his swift demise from the game.
Like a fly to shit, though, Poll still craves the limelight. His autobiography (who would buy that?), the not-so-cleverly titled ‘Seeing Red’, has been followed by work as a pundit for the BBC and as a columnist for the Daily Mail.
This week, Poll’s Daily Mail column took aim at Arsenal, backing up Fat Sam’s claims that Wenger is waging psychological warfare against referees to gain Arsenal an advantage. Luckily, the Daily Mail is a Bastian of English journalism that would only ever print fact.
Oh, and wait, Arsenal themselves have had three sending offs this season - Koscielny, Song and Wilshere. That must be what they call reversed psychology on Wenger’s part.
Arsehole.
Like many referees, Poll had many weaknesses. His constant desire for the limelight pushed him to make frequent bad decisions and to meddle in minor incidents that were better left alone.
But his main downfall, of course, was more fundamental. He couldn’t count. His decision to book the same player three times and then send him off at the final whistle of the Croatia v Australia match at the 2006 World Cup Finals (below) – the biggest stage of all - prompted his swift demise from the game.
Like a fly to shit, though, Poll still craves the limelight. His autobiography (who would buy that?), the not-so-cleverly titled ‘Seeing Red’, has been followed by work as a pundit for the BBC and as a columnist for the Daily Mail.
This week, Poll’s Daily Mail column took aim at Arsenal, backing up Fat Sam’s claims that Wenger is waging psychological warfare against referees to gain Arsenal an advantage. Luckily, the Daily Mail is a Bastian of English journalism that would only ever print fact.
“A look at the statistics for the season indicate that Arsene Wenger is winning his psychological battle with referees. Arsenal’s opponents have been shown red cards four times in just nine games, resulting in the Gunners facing just 10 men for 215 minutes,” says Poll.That's right. Four sending off. For: a two-footed lunge by Joe Cole, which he admitted was a red card and apologised for; a professional foul by Blackpool’s Charlie Evatt; a two-footed tackle from behind by Bolton’s Gary Cahill; and the professional foul by Boyata at the weekend which no-one on earth – not even Mancini – has defended.
Oh, and wait, Arsenal themselves have had three sending offs this season - Koscielny, Song and Wilshere. That must be what they call reversed psychology on Wenger’s part.
“They have already been awarded nine penalty kicks. Three teams have had no penalties while 14 teams have had two or fewer. So what has happened, and is it all a coincidence?” continues Poll.Nine penalties is a lot. But only Redknapp and the idiot from Birmingham questioned the penalties against them – and that despite video evidence showing clear contact. And doesn’t it stand to reason that the more time you spend around opposition penalty areas, the more likely you are to get fouled in the box? Could these penalties be the result of Arsenal playing it around the box far too much and shooting about as often as Pele does these days? And what has it got to do with anything that three teams have had no penalties? I didn’t realise the idea was to spread penalties around evenly.
“Having watched Mark Clattenburg referee Arsenal’s game at the weekend, I was intrigued at the high number of decisions he had to make. Six yellow cards and a penalty kick - highly unusual in a season where referees have tended to try to manage situations rather than issue cards.”Another excellent point Graham… although do you think you should have mentioned that four of those bookings were Arsenal bookings - and that the penalty was stonewall? Of course not, that wouldn’t get you any attention would it?
Arsehole.
Wednesday 20 October 2010
You know what’s coming…
Why do players always feel the need to mouth off before a big game?
Harry Redknapp, morning of 20 October 2010: "I hope we start off like an Express Train and go 2-0 up again tonight, that will be nice. We always have a go and play an attacking game. We'll look to have a go and try to cause them problems. We'll be positive and see what we can do. I think we’re one or two big signings away from being a team that could win the championship,"
Peter Crouch, morning of 20 October 2010: "I look around our dressing room and we are as good as any squad in the Champions League. Barcelona are the team to beat but we have a number of players who would get in Barcelona's squad. I genuinely believe we can beat anyone.''
Heuelho Gomes, morning of 20 October 2010: "We are not worried about going to the San Siro. All we need to do is keep going like we have done in our last two Champions League games.”
8.27pm, 20 October 2010: Inter Milan 4-0 Tottenham. Gomes sent off.
Harry Redknapp, morning of 20 October 2010: "I hope we start off like an Express Train and go 2-0 up again tonight, that will be nice. We always have a go and play an attacking game. We'll look to have a go and try to cause them problems. We'll be positive and see what we can do. I think we’re one or two big signings away from being a team that could win the championship,"
Peter Crouch, morning of 20 October 2010: "I look around our dressing room and we are as good as any squad in the Champions League. Barcelona are the team to beat but we have a number of players who would get in Barcelona's squad. I genuinely believe we can beat anyone.''
Heuelho Gomes, morning of 20 October 2010: "We are not worried about going to the San Siro. All we need to do is keep going like we have done in our last two Champions League games.”
8.27pm, 20 October 2010: Inter Milan 4-0 Tottenham. Gomes sent off.
Tuesday 19 October 2010
We're worse than Liverpool
Football managers are like whingeing, whining school kids… only older, more experienced and - apart from Gordon Strachan – bigger. When their team loses, they come out with all sorts of childish arguments about why it’s all so unfair: ‘If he hadn’t dived’, ‘If he had been sent off’, ‘He was kicking the ball back to his goalie to take a free kick’.
Maybe it’s the pressure on managers to justify defeats to their ‘quick to fire’ chairmen. Or that the rise in media coverage of bad tackles, diving and goal-line technology has given them the ammo to defend indefensible displays.
The players are just as bad. This week it was the turn of Birmingham’s Richard Johnson to go on Sky’s Goals on Sunday to point out, unchallenged, that Chamakh “dived”… despite the video replay showing he hadn’t.
So what would our league position look like right now if all the so-called ‘injustices’ pointed out by rival managers this season were actually punished? Well, I’ll tell you:
Liverpool away
Official result: drew 1-1
Hodgson: "It's a disappointment to get this close to the end of the game and not get three points. But I think a point is about right."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Blackpool home
Official result: won 6-0
Holloway: “We were doing OK until the referee deemed Ian's challenge to be a sending off. I thought it was a penalty at best but then to send him off ridiculous - it absolutely ruined the game as spectacle.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Blackburn away
Official result: won 2-1
Allardyce: "I'm disappointed we didn't get something out of the game and from my point of view the first half was our opportunity to get our noses in front. Because we didn't take those opportunities we paid the price for that.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Bolton home
Official result: won 4-1
Coyle: "Everyone who watched that game will know what happened at 2-1. We should have had a free-kick for Lee on the edge of the box. One of the biggest free-kicks you will ever see in your life. And the ref doesn't give it. Then Cahill comes in the back of Chamakh and fouls him, and it was a foul. But my initial reaction was it was a yellow, and not a red. But he [referee Simon Attwell] sends him off, and that changes the game. In two seconds, it changes the course of the game.
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Sunderland away
Official result: drew 1-1
Bruce: "We worked extremely hard. They got a fluke of a goal but I thought our first-half performance was excellent and we've got our reward."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
West Brom home
Official result: lost 2-3
Di Matteo: "I would say we deserved it, the way we played, the way we created chances, scored goals and played very well.
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Chelsea away
Official result: lost 0-2
Wilkins: “All in all I thought it was a fantastic performance.”
Opposition assistant manager’s verdict: fair result.
Birmingham home
Official result: won 2-1
McLeish: The penalty changed the game. If we had gone on and scored the next goal it would have been over. I think we were comfortable. The tackle by Nasri is a sending-off. Eboue had the scissor challenge on Ridgewell. We know the damage it can do. Did you see Murphy get punched in the face in the last minute? He’s got stitches. Let’s investigate. Jack Wilshere’s was a deserved red. Arsenal should have finished with seven men.
Opposition manager’s verdict: Birmingham should have won.
So, there you have it. Our true league position is 20th. Yep, bottom, with a total of five points. Ian Holloway did later say that his team probably would have lost anyway, yet even that generosity gives us just seven points – 17th in the league.
Isn’t it a shame league tables don't take excuses into account?
Maybe it’s the pressure on managers to justify defeats to their ‘quick to fire’ chairmen. Or that the rise in media coverage of bad tackles, diving and goal-line technology has given them the ammo to defend indefensible displays.
The players are just as bad. This week it was the turn of Birmingham’s Richard Johnson to go on Sky’s Goals on Sunday to point out, unchallenged, that Chamakh “dived”… despite the video replay showing he hadn’t.
So what would our league position look like right now if all the so-called ‘injustices’ pointed out by rival managers this season were actually punished? Well, I’ll tell you:
Liverpool away
Official result: drew 1-1
Hodgson: "It's a disappointment to get this close to the end of the game and not get three points. But I think a point is about right."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Blackpool home
Official result: won 6-0
Holloway: “We were doing OK until the referee deemed Ian's challenge to be a sending off. I thought it was a penalty at best but then to send him off ridiculous - it absolutely ruined the game as spectacle.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Blackburn away
Official result: won 2-1
Allardyce: "I'm disappointed we didn't get something out of the game and from my point of view the first half was our opportunity to get our noses in front. Because we didn't take those opportunities we paid the price for that.”
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Bolton home
Official result: won 4-1
Coyle: "Everyone who watched that game will know what happened at 2-1. We should have had a free-kick for Lee on the edge of the box. One of the biggest free-kicks you will ever see in your life. And the ref doesn't give it. Then Cahill comes in the back of Chamakh and fouls him, and it was a foul. But my initial reaction was it was a yellow, and not a red. But he [referee Simon Attwell] sends him off, and that changes the game. In two seconds, it changes the course of the game.
Opposition manager’s verdict: should have been a draw.
Sunderland away
Official result: drew 1-1
Bruce: "We worked extremely hard. They got a fluke of a goal but I thought our first-half performance was excellent and we've got our reward."
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
West Brom home
Official result: lost 2-3
Di Matteo: "I would say we deserved it, the way we played, the way we created chances, scored goals and played very well.
Opposition manager’s verdict: fair result.
Chelsea away
Official result: lost 0-2
Wilkins: “All in all I thought it was a fantastic performance.”
Opposition assistant manager’s verdict: fair result.
Birmingham home
Official result: won 2-1
McLeish: The penalty changed the game. If we had gone on and scored the next goal it would have been over. I think we were comfortable. The tackle by Nasri is a sending-off. Eboue had the scissor challenge on Ridgewell. We know the damage it can do. Did you see Murphy get punched in the face in the last minute? He’s got stitches. Let’s investigate. Jack Wilshere’s was a deserved red. Arsenal should have finished with seven men.
Opposition manager’s verdict: Birmingham should have won.
So, there you have it. Our true league position is 20th. Yep, bottom, with a total of five points. Ian Holloway did later say that his team probably would have lost anyway, yet even that generosity gives us just seven points – 17th in the league.
Isn’t it a shame league tables don't take excuses into account?
Friday 15 October 2010
I’ll be accused of celebrating failure on the pitch…
...but off it, the football world celebrates complete incompetence and negligence
Losing the last game before the international break gives everyone two weeks to dwell on your shortcomings – in our case that we’re still unable to rough it against tough tacklers, that we flatter to deceive against the Mancs and Chelsea, and that Wenger’s refusal to ‘buy big’ means we haven’t won a trophy in five seasons, obviously.
I don’t mind that criticism so much. In fact, I don’t even mind the media ignoring that we took to the field against Chelsea like Christopher Reeve – with our entire spine missing (the loss of Almunia, Vermaelen, Fabregas and van Persie hardly got a mention).
And I can just about handle Mr know-everything-about-management (despite never being a manager) Andy Gray gleaming: “You have to ask how long the Arsenal fans and players will put up with this? How long can Arsene Wenger keep persuading them this is the right way?” – while ignoring what the fans of Liverpool, Everton, Middlesboro, Newcastle, Sunderland (and all those other clubs that have spent more than us over the past five years) are currently putting up with.
I can handle all of that… just.
But what I don’t understand is the media constantly waxing lyrical about Chelsea and all they achieve.
It’s true that Arsenal haven’t won a trophy for five years. And it’s true that, in that time, Chelsea won the Premier League in 2006 and last season; three FA Cups; and a League Cup.
Ignore the League Cup because it doesn’t count. Add in that Chelsea have spent more than £300m over the past five years, failed to win the league for three successive seasons between 2006-09, and still haven’t won the Champions League – and I’d suggest it’s not a great return. But you don’t hear that said in the media.
What you also don’t hear is criticism of, and this is my main point, is how Chelsea have achieved their success – and just how bad it is for football.
Chelsea’s business plan since Abramovic came in has simply been to “achieve world domination” - which doesn’t appear to be happening – and relies solely on the hope that Roman Abramovic won’t walk away.
If he does, Chelsea are dead. Chelsea say the loans given to them by Abramovic have now been turned into shares, and that the club is effectively running as a profit-making business. The truth, however, is very different.
It is true that the loans from the holding company to Chelsea FC plc were fully converted to shares. However, Abramovich’s loan to Chelsea Limited, the holding company which owns Chelsea FC plc, was not. That loan remains owing. In fact, it increased in the previous financial year because Abramovich loaned another £25m for extravagant spending and to cover the dismissal of Luiz Felipe Scolari and his coaching team – all of which produced losses of £47m.
The result is that the accounts of Chelsea Limited (whose name was changed during the year to Fordstam Limited), show the loan to Abramovic still outstanding. The total figure owed? Wait for it… £726m. The good news for Chelsea fans is the loan is interest free. The bad news is that it is repayable if Abramovich gives 18 months’ notice.
So if the Roman gets bored; or fed up that they still can’t win the Champions League; or if they do win the Champions League and then he feels he’s achieved all he can with that toy, what will happen to Chelsea? Do you think the club will attract a buyer willing to pay off a three-quarters-of-a-billion-pound debt to take the helm? Looking at the debacle at Anfield this past couple of weeks, I would say not.
Those activities at Anfield have finally started to persuade fans that winning silver cups in the immediate future is not all football is about. Supporters are taking an interest in the long-term futures of their clubs, and seeing that the Arsenal way – while painful for half a dozen years or so on the pitch – is putting the club in good stead off the pitch for generations to come. Online discussions like this one on BBC this week are now riddled with praise for what has become known as “the Arsenal model”.
I just hope that now the fans are seeing the light, the media might follow. I suspect Andy Gray and co will just continue to focus on the one measure of success they care about – titles and trophies. Don’t get me wrong. I would love Arsenal to have won the silverware Chelsea have since 2005. But not at their price.
I know that in ten years I will still be watching my team from where I watch it now. I wonder if Chelsea fans will be watching some re-formed non-league version of their club because they wanted ten years of success but then Abramovic walked away – and took their history with him?
Losing the last game before the international break gives everyone two weeks to dwell on your shortcomings – in our case that we’re still unable to rough it against tough tacklers, that we flatter to deceive against the Mancs and Chelsea, and that Wenger’s refusal to ‘buy big’ means we haven’t won a trophy in five seasons, obviously.
I don’t mind that criticism so much. In fact, I don’t even mind the media ignoring that we took to the field against Chelsea like Christopher Reeve – with our entire spine missing (the loss of Almunia, Vermaelen, Fabregas and van Persie hardly got a mention).
And I can just about handle Mr know-everything-about-management (despite never being a manager) Andy Gray gleaming: “You have to ask how long the Arsenal fans and players will put up with this? How long can Arsene Wenger keep persuading them this is the right way?” – while ignoring what the fans of Liverpool, Everton, Middlesboro, Newcastle, Sunderland (and all those other clubs that have spent more than us over the past five years) are currently putting up with.
I can handle all of that… just.
But what I don’t understand is the media constantly waxing lyrical about Chelsea and all they achieve.
It’s true that Arsenal haven’t won a trophy for five years. And it’s true that, in that time, Chelsea won the Premier League in 2006 and last season; three FA Cups; and a League Cup.
Ignore the League Cup because it doesn’t count. Add in that Chelsea have spent more than £300m over the past five years, failed to win the league for three successive seasons between 2006-09, and still haven’t won the Champions League – and I’d suggest it’s not a great return. But you don’t hear that said in the media.
What you also don’t hear is criticism of, and this is my main point, is how Chelsea have achieved their success – and just how bad it is for football.
Chelsea’s business plan since Abramovic came in has simply been to “achieve world domination” - which doesn’t appear to be happening – and relies solely on the hope that Roman Abramovic won’t walk away.
If he does, Chelsea are dead. Chelsea say the loans given to them by Abramovic have now been turned into shares, and that the club is effectively running as a profit-making business. The truth, however, is very different.
It is true that the loans from the holding company to Chelsea FC plc were fully converted to shares. However, Abramovich’s loan to Chelsea Limited, the holding company which owns Chelsea FC plc, was not. That loan remains owing. In fact, it increased in the previous financial year because Abramovich loaned another £25m for extravagant spending and to cover the dismissal of Luiz Felipe Scolari and his coaching team – all of which produced losses of £47m.
The result is that the accounts of Chelsea Limited (whose name was changed during the year to Fordstam Limited), show the loan to Abramovic still outstanding. The total figure owed? Wait for it… £726m. The good news for Chelsea fans is the loan is interest free. The bad news is that it is repayable if Abramovich gives 18 months’ notice.
So if the Roman gets bored; or fed up that they still can’t win the Champions League; or if they do win the Champions League and then he feels he’s achieved all he can with that toy, what will happen to Chelsea? Do you think the club will attract a buyer willing to pay off a three-quarters-of-a-billion-pound debt to take the helm? Looking at the debacle at Anfield this past couple of weeks, I would say not.
Those activities at Anfield have finally started to persuade fans that winning silver cups in the immediate future is not all football is about. Supporters are taking an interest in the long-term futures of their clubs, and seeing that the Arsenal way – while painful for half a dozen years or so on the pitch – is putting the club in good stead off the pitch for generations to come. Online discussions like this one on BBC this week are now riddled with praise for what has become known as “the Arsenal model”.
I just hope that now the fans are seeing the light, the media might follow. I suspect Andy Gray and co will just continue to focus on the one measure of success they care about – titles and trophies. Don’t get me wrong. I would love Arsenal to have won the silverware Chelsea have since 2005. But not at their price.
I know that in ten years I will still be watching my team from where I watch it now. I wonder if Chelsea fans will be watching some re-formed non-league version of their club because they wanted ten years of success but then Abramovic walked away – and took their history with him?
Wednesday 13 October 2010
Vito Mannone stakes his claim in true Arsenal fashion...
Goalkeeping: more ups and downs than a Chilean mining rescue pod.
8 October 2010: "Arsenal never lost a match when I played last season, but now they are trying again with Almunia. Fabianski was in goal when we played Chelsea. Why am I behind them in the pecking order? That's one you need to ask Wenger. I'm eating my heart out at not being able to play. All the more because the other two keepers are not doing their job especially well."
Vito Mannone.
12 October 2010: Italy U21s v Belarus U21s. Mannone is in goal for the blues:
Maybe that's why.
8 October 2010: "Arsenal never lost a match when I played last season, but now they are trying again with Almunia. Fabianski was in goal when we played Chelsea. Why am I behind them in the pecking order? That's one you need to ask Wenger. I'm eating my heart out at not being able to play. All the more because the other two keepers are not doing their job especially well."
Vito Mannone.
12 October 2010: Italy U21s v Belarus U21s. Mannone is in goal for the blues:
Maybe that's why.
Monday 11 October 2010
Nasri's leaving. Sort of...
Depending on which rag you pick up in the morning or which information superhighway sites you log on to, you will have no doubt been alarmed, if not a little confused, by Samir Nasri’s unrest this morning.
“Nasri is eyeing a move” roared the headline in The Sun, pointing to his “frustration with Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger”.
Online football site TribalFootball also picked up on Nasri’s frustration, telling us: “Arsenal star Nasri fed-up with wide role.”
Over at the Metro, however, Nasri had accepted that Cesc Fabregas is leaving Arsenal and is keen to fill his boots once he’s gone. “Samir Nasri: I want to be Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas replacement,” the headline told us.
But why the confusion? Maybe it’s because what really happened is the following:
There lies a quick lesson in how the media works.
“Nasri is eyeing a move” roared the headline in The Sun, pointing to his “frustration with Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger”.
Online football site TribalFootball also picked up on Nasri’s frustration, telling us: “Arsenal star Nasri fed-up with wide role.”
Over at the Metro, however, Nasri had accepted that Cesc Fabregas is leaving Arsenal and is keen to fill his boots once he’s gone. “Samir Nasri: I want to be Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas replacement,” the headline told us.
But why the confusion? Maybe it’s because what really happened is the following:
- Nasri played in the centre for France at the weekend.
- After they won, a reporter asked him: “You seemed comfortable in the middle. Did you enjoy playing in the centre?”
- Nasri replied: “That's how I was formed. In every age group at youth level, I often played through the middle. I've been playing out wide for two years with Arsenal, but feel more at ease in the centre of the pitch."
There lies a quick lesson in how the media works.
Friday 8 October 2010
International break: national catastrophe
I hate the international break. No Arsenal, no beers with the boys, no cheeky bets on 14-team accumulators that will never ever win, and nothing much to write about. Might as well do some work. Speaking of which… just been hauled in by the HR people. Apparently they were a bit unhappy with a job ad I put out. “Manager wanted: foreigners need not apply. No Portuguese, Croats or Spaniards. Definitely no Swedes or Italians. Black people can apply… but only if you're English.”
I explained that if it’s good enough for the FA to recruit the next England manager purely on the basis of nationality, it’s good enough for me. Unfortunately HR weren’t very Abbey Clancy or Coleen in the understanding and forgiving stakes.
The announcement by the FA that the next England manager will be English is not only amazing because you couldn’t work in any other industry in the world and get away with saying that, but also because pretty much all English managers are shit.
It’s a well-worn pub quiz teaser that no English manager has ever won the Premier League, and that Howard Wilkinson was the last to win a top-flight title – in 1992. What’s more, until Steve McLaren last season and Harry Redknapp this, only two Englishmen - Ray Harford and Bobby Robson - had ever managed in the Champions League. Those two are dead, so they probably won’t get it.
With one swift statement, the FA have ruled out all of the world’s best football managers – ignoring that the reason England aren’t good enough stretches far beyond the nationality of the manager – a lack of investment in grass-roots football, a non-competitive culture at schools, sub-standard development of players and the flawed mentality of English footballers to name a few (see: "He loves a foreigner, that Wenger", for more views on this).
Unsurprisingly, the FA’s suggestion sparked a hilarious onslaught of support from English managers jostling for the post. “Surely we have to find a manager from England, an English manager. I'm not talking about a Scottish manager or an Irish manager [worked that out, 'arry], I'm talking about an English manager because this is where we're from, this is our country,” twitched Redknapp.
“Absolutely the next manager should be English. Without a shadow of a doubt. I think you can learn a lot from other countries but it is adapting to the culture, adapting to the way the English players are. Of course I would be interested,” said Steve Bruce.
“If you want someone to get the best out of the players, then I think an Englishman is better than a foreigner. Well, I went for it last time, so it's obviously 'me',” added Sam Allardyce, who also recently declared himself ready for the big jobs at Real Madrid, Barcelona and AC Milan when they come up next. Quick word of advice, Sam: Don’t mention your Newcastle record of eight wins in 24 games during your interview.
Because the FA thought it would also be a good idea to advertise this job a full two years before it’s even available, there’s no guarantee any of these three will be appropriate candidates when it comes up anyway. Two years ago, Martin O’Neill, Roy Hodgson, Alan Curbishley and Stuart Pearce were being touted as the next England manager. You wouldn’t give it to any of them now. Allardyce might not want to leave Madrid, Barcelona or Milan in 2012. Bruce, who spent £50m getting Sunderland 11 wins from 38 last year, may not be able to leave the house due to his swelling potato head. And Redknapp might only be allowed to leave a cell in Parkhurst on day release.
Of course, whoever does the job, English or otherwise, today or tomorrow, I won't be watching. Not because of this latest episode of complete incompetence from the FA, nor England’s dour style of play, surplus of unsavoury players and apparent objection to bringing through new talent. I won't be watching simply because they’ve just selected Kevin Davies.
I explained that if it’s good enough for the FA to recruit the next England manager purely on the basis of nationality, it’s good enough for me. Unfortunately HR weren’t very Abbey Clancy or Coleen in the understanding and forgiving stakes.
The announcement by the FA that the next England manager will be English is not only amazing because you couldn’t work in any other industry in the world and get away with saying that, but also because pretty much all English managers are shit.
It’s a well-worn pub quiz teaser that no English manager has ever won the Premier League, and that Howard Wilkinson was the last to win a top-flight title – in 1992. What’s more, until Steve McLaren last season and Harry Redknapp this, only two Englishmen - Ray Harford and Bobby Robson - had ever managed in the Champions League. Those two are dead, so they probably won’t get it.
With one swift statement, the FA have ruled out all of the world’s best football managers – ignoring that the reason England aren’t good enough stretches far beyond the nationality of the manager – a lack of investment in grass-roots football, a non-competitive culture at schools, sub-standard development of players and the flawed mentality of English footballers to name a few (see: "He loves a foreigner, that Wenger", for more views on this).
Unsurprisingly, the FA’s suggestion sparked a hilarious onslaught of support from English managers jostling for the post. “Surely we have to find a manager from England, an English manager. I'm not talking about a Scottish manager or an Irish manager [worked that out, 'arry], I'm talking about an English manager because this is where we're from, this is our country,” twitched Redknapp.
“Absolutely the next manager should be English. Without a shadow of a doubt. I think you can learn a lot from other countries but it is adapting to the culture, adapting to the way the English players are. Of course I would be interested,” said Steve Bruce.
“If you want someone to get the best out of the players, then I think an Englishman is better than a foreigner. Well, I went for it last time, so it's obviously 'me',” added Sam Allardyce, who also recently declared himself ready for the big jobs at Real Madrid, Barcelona and AC Milan when they come up next. Quick word of advice, Sam: Don’t mention your Newcastle record of eight wins in 24 games during your interview.
Because the FA thought it would also be a good idea to advertise this job a full two years before it’s even available, there’s no guarantee any of these three will be appropriate candidates when it comes up anyway. Two years ago, Martin O’Neill, Roy Hodgson, Alan Curbishley and Stuart Pearce were being touted as the next England manager. You wouldn’t give it to any of them now. Allardyce might not want to leave Madrid, Barcelona or Milan in 2012. Bruce, who spent £50m getting Sunderland 11 wins from 38 last year, may not be able to leave the house due to his swelling potato head. And Redknapp might only be allowed to leave a cell in Parkhurst on day release.
Of course, whoever does the job, English or otherwise, today or tomorrow, I won't be watching. Not because of this latest episode of complete incompetence from the FA, nor England’s dour style of play, surplus of unsavoury players and apparent objection to bringing through new talent. I won't be watching simply because they’ve just selected Kevin Davies.
Monday 4 October 2010
Goalie when needed
It used to be the Arsenal way. Assemble your team by first putting in place a fine ‘keeper - a solid foundation on which to build. How things have changed.
Much has been written about the current crop of dross we have between the sticks – so I won’t venture too much into that here. In short, though, you win nothing with a clown in goal, and Wenger’s current group of ‘keepers - Manuel Almunia (at least one major mistake per game); Lukasz Fabianski (poor decision-making, terrible wrist action); Vito Manone (even Wenger won’t give him a game); Wojciech Szczęsny (broke his wrists while weightlifting) – suggest he’s neglected the number one position somewhat. Mind you, a little look over all those who’ve donned the Rucanors under Wenger suggests he’s never much bothered with signing good goalies. In no particular order…
David Seaman: There’s not much you can say about Seaman that hasn’t already been said… unless it’s that he’s interesting, a devoted husband, and has good hair. Laugh-a-minute he weren’t, but good he was. That thing they say about the good goalkeepers being the ones who don’t need to be spectacular summed up the self-proclaimed “Safe Hands” perfectly. Forget the lobs by Nayim and Ronaldinho, in his time at Arsenal he bagged three league titles, four FA Cups, a League Cup, a Cup Winners’ Cup and the bird from the ticket office. Not bad for a mustachioed angler from Rotherham. But Wenger didn’t sign him, Graham did.
John Lukic: The best thing about John Lukic was that myth that his mother was an air-stewardess on the Man Utd plane that crashed in Munich. Sadly, it was just that – a myth. There was indeed a woman on board called Lukic, but for the story to be true John would have to have been three years older or she would have to have had the world’s longest pregnancy. Lukic had an amazing rapport with the fans and was adored during his first spell at Highbury. A quiet but effective type, George Graham’s public attempts to replace him with David Seaman resulted in an unprecedented – and unexpected – fan campaign to keep him. Whole halves of matches were ignored by fans behind the goal he stood in, as songs questioning Seaman’s wrist activities rang out. As it happened, Graham was right. Lukic went on to win another title at Leeds but Seaman was an integral part of much bigger success at Arsenal. Big John returned briefly in 2006 as a back-up ‘keeper and was there under Wenger until 2001 – when he left at the age of 41.
Alex Manninger: Manninger was born at the wrong time. As understudy to Seaman he hardly got a look in. Whereas had he been at Arsenal today he’d probably be first choice (that said, Harvey Price could probably be first choice today). When he did play, he made a big impact. His eight clean sheets in a row is still a club record and that same season he had a crucial hand in bringing the double to Highbury. In a cup tie at West Ham we were up against it. Bergkamp had been sent off for elbowing the face off Steve Lomas. Bergy protested innocence. But Lomas’ nose was over by his ear and his shirt covered in blood. Arsenal scraped a draw and Manninger saved the shoot-out penalties that kept us in the cup. In 2002, in search of first-team football, Manninger moved to Espanyol for £1m. Bizarrely they released him from his contract seven weeks later. A resurgence in form and a club injury crisis meant he was recently first choice at Juventus.
Richard Wright: I think Wright was a victim of Wenger sticking his fingers up at those crying out for him to buy British. With people bemoaning Wenger’s foreign policy, he snapped up Wright and Francis Jeffers, two of England’s best young prospects, for way over what he’d have paid for their European counterparts. He then sent them out to prove how shit and overpriced young English players are. Wright chose games at White Hart Lane to reveal he couldn’t catch Chlamydia in Basildon. Not the best of settings. He drifted away, as did Jeffers, and Wenger went off to look around Europe. Wright has recently signed for Sheffield United having been around the houses.
Vince Bartram: Vince was one of those players who was in the squad numbers on the back of the programme for what seemed like forever, yet no-one knew what he looked like because he never played. Always third or fourth choice, he was only actually at the club from ’94-’98, playing under Wenger only briefly and never actually, well, playing. Left for a tour of the lower leagues and played a couple of hundred games for Gillingham. Has the dubious honour of being forced to retire due to an injury caused by an opposition goalkeeper – after Tony Warner came up for a late corner and clattered him to the point of ending his career.
Fabian Carini: Who? This one’s a bit dubious. Wenger did a verbal deal for the Juve keeper, gave him a shirt and a squad number, and introduced him to the public via a photoshoot. Carini thought that would be a good time to slap in some higher wage demands. Wenger didn’t. He showed him the door and his Arsenal career was shorter than Wayne Rooney’s resistance at grab-a-grandma convention.
Jens Lehmann: Mental Jens. On his day, Lehmann was a great keeper. But he was prone to doing psycho things. While at times amusing to see, it would often jeopardise Arsenal’s chances, notably when he came close to ruining a very big party at WHL in 2004. That said, he was a character and he kept it interesting. “Lampard is a specialist in insulting people very badly,” he once said, insulting Lampard very badly. He also went on record with: “My coach confirmed to me that he uses a different measuring stick to evaluate Almunia. For me, this was a huge disappointment.” He might have had a point.
Rami Shaaban: I think Shaaban could have been a good goalkeeper for us. He played really well for half a dozen games but broke his leg in training and, while he was out, Arsenal signed Lehmann. Never quite returning to form, he went to West Ham on loan and then joined Brighton – which is a bit weird.
Graham Stack: Most people think footballers have a pretty easy life – thousands of pounds a week, a few hours training each day, and a maximum of just two games a week. Graham Stack had it even easier than that. In ten years as a professional goalkeeper between 1999 and 2009, he played 70 games. That’s it. Seven a year. Stack was another one who showed promise, but never quite made it. Probably distracted by the rape allegation made against him while playing on loan at Millwall.
Stuart Taylor: If you thought Graham Stack had an easy decade, you should see what Stuart Taylor was up to. Ten years (1999-2009) – 50 games. You do the math. And most of those were playing on loan in the lower leagues while being paid a big wage by the Arsenal. Money for old rope. A kind of rich version of sitting at home raking in the benefits, watching Jeremy Kyle because you’re too lazy to get a job. Like Stack, Taylor was a decent ‘keeper and showed potential at Arsenal. However, much like Bentley, Pennant and co, he believed he was worthy of a first team place – so headed off to prove Wenger wrong. He didn’t.
Mart Poom: Speaking of being rewarded for doing nothing… despite not playing in the game, nor being on the bench, and in fact never having played for the club, Mart Poom became the only Estonian ever to receive a Champions League Runners-up medal by virtue of being in Arsenal’s 25-man squad for the 2006 competition. Went on to play one first-team game – keeping a clean sheet – and recently became a goalkeeping coach at the club. Let’s hope he has more impact in his current role. It’ll be tough – what’s that phrase about polishing shit?
Much has been written about the current crop of dross we have between the sticks – so I won’t venture too much into that here. In short, though, you win nothing with a clown in goal, and Wenger’s current group of ‘keepers - Manuel Almunia (at least one major mistake per game); Lukasz Fabianski (poor decision-making, terrible wrist action); Vito Manone (even Wenger won’t give him a game); Wojciech Szczęsny (broke his wrists while weightlifting) – suggest he’s neglected the number one position somewhat. Mind you, a little look over all those who’ve donned the Rucanors under Wenger suggests he’s never much bothered with signing good goalies. In no particular order…
David Seaman: There’s not much you can say about Seaman that hasn’t already been said… unless it’s that he’s interesting, a devoted husband, and has good hair. Laugh-a-minute he weren’t, but good he was. That thing they say about the good goalkeepers being the ones who don’t need to be spectacular summed up the self-proclaimed “Safe Hands” perfectly. Forget the lobs by Nayim and Ronaldinho, in his time at Arsenal he bagged three league titles, four FA Cups, a League Cup, a Cup Winners’ Cup and the bird from the ticket office. Not bad for a mustachioed angler from Rotherham. But Wenger didn’t sign him, Graham did.
John Lukic: The best thing about John Lukic was that myth that his mother was an air-stewardess on the Man Utd plane that crashed in Munich. Sadly, it was just that – a myth. There was indeed a woman on board called Lukic, but for the story to be true John would have to have been three years older or she would have to have had the world’s longest pregnancy. Lukic had an amazing rapport with the fans and was adored during his first spell at Highbury. A quiet but effective type, George Graham’s public attempts to replace him with David Seaman resulted in an unprecedented – and unexpected – fan campaign to keep him. Whole halves of matches were ignored by fans behind the goal he stood in, as songs questioning Seaman’s wrist activities rang out. As it happened, Graham was right. Lukic went on to win another title at Leeds but Seaman was an integral part of much bigger success at Arsenal. Big John returned briefly in 2006 as a back-up ‘keeper and was there under Wenger until 2001 – when he left at the age of 41.
Alex Manninger: Manninger was born at the wrong time. As understudy to Seaman he hardly got a look in. Whereas had he been at Arsenal today he’d probably be first choice (that said, Harvey Price could probably be first choice today). When he did play, he made a big impact. His eight clean sheets in a row is still a club record and that same season he had a crucial hand in bringing the double to Highbury. In a cup tie at West Ham we were up against it. Bergkamp had been sent off for elbowing the face off Steve Lomas. Bergy protested innocence. But Lomas’ nose was over by his ear and his shirt covered in blood. Arsenal scraped a draw and Manninger saved the shoot-out penalties that kept us in the cup. In 2002, in search of first-team football, Manninger moved to Espanyol for £1m. Bizarrely they released him from his contract seven weeks later. A resurgence in form and a club injury crisis meant he was recently first choice at Juventus.
Richard Wright: I think Wright was a victim of Wenger sticking his fingers up at those crying out for him to buy British. With people bemoaning Wenger’s foreign policy, he snapped up Wright and Francis Jeffers, two of England’s best young prospects, for way over what he’d have paid for their European counterparts. He then sent them out to prove how shit and overpriced young English players are. Wright chose games at White Hart Lane to reveal he couldn’t catch Chlamydia in Basildon. Not the best of settings. He drifted away, as did Jeffers, and Wenger went off to look around Europe. Wright has recently signed for Sheffield United having been around the houses.
Vince Bartram: Vince was one of those players who was in the squad numbers on the back of the programme for what seemed like forever, yet no-one knew what he looked like because he never played. Always third or fourth choice, he was only actually at the club from ’94-’98, playing under Wenger only briefly and never actually, well, playing. Left for a tour of the lower leagues and played a couple of hundred games for Gillingham. Has the dubious honour of being forced to retire due to an injury caused by an opposition goalkeeper – after Tony Warner came up for a late corner and clattered him to the point of ending his career.
Fabian Carini: Who? This one’s a bit dubious. Wenger did a verbal deal for the Juve keeper, gave him a shirt and a squad number, and introduced him to the public via a photoshoot. Carini thought that would be a good time to slap in some higher wage demands. Wenger didn’t. He showed him the door and his Arsenal career was shorter than Wayne Rooney’s resistance at grab-a-grandma convention.
Jens Lehmann: Mental Jens. On his day, Lehmann was a great keeper. But he was prone to doing psycho things. While at times amusing to see, it would often jeopardise Arsenal’s chances, notably when he came close to ruining a very big party at WHL in 2004. That said, he was a character and he kept it interesting. “Lampard is a specialist in insulting people very badly,” he once said, insulting Lampard very badly. He also went on record with: “My coach confirmed to me that he uses a different measuring stick to evaluate Almunia. For me, this was a huge disappointment.” He might have had a point.
Rami Shaaban: I think Shaaban could have been a good goalkeeper for us. He played really well for half a dozen games but broke his leg in training and, while he was out, Arsenal signed Lehmann. Never quite returning to form, he went to West Ham on loan and then joined Brighton – which is a bit weird.
Graham Stack: Most people think footballers have a pretty easy life – thousands of pounds a week, a few hours training each day, and a maximum of just two games a week. Graham Stack had it even easier than that. In ten years as a professional goalkeeper between 1999 and 2009, he played 70 games. That’s it. Seven a year. Stack was another one who showed promise, but never quite made it. Probably distracted by the rape allegation made against him while playing on loan at Millwall.
Stuart Taylor: If you thought Graham Stack had an easy decade, you should see what Stuart Taylor was up to. Ten years (1999-2009) – 50 games. You do the math. And most of those were playing on loan in the lower leagues while being paid a big wage by the Arsenal. Money for old rope. A kind of rich version of sitting at home raking in the benefits, watching Jeremy Kyle because you’re too lazy to get a job. Like Stack, Taylor was a decent ‘keeper and showed potential at Arsenal. However, much like Bentley, Pennant and co, he believed he was worthy of a first team place – so headed off to prove Wenger wrong. He didn’t.
Mart Poom: Speaking of being rewarded for doing nothing… despite not playing in the game, nor being on the bench, and in fact never having played for the club, Mart Poom became the only Estonian ever to receive a Champions League Runners-up medal by virtue of being in Arsenal’s 25-man squad for the 2006 competition. Went on to play one first-team game – keeping a clean sheet – and recently became a goalkeeping coach at the club. Let’s hope he has more impact in his current role. It’ll be tough – what’s that phrase about polishing shit?
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