Mad, mad, mad, mad world

Plenty of things in the world are a bit messed up: Emmanuel Eboue earning more in a week than a police officer, fireman or paramedic earns in a year; more people tuning in to watch Eastenders than bothered to go out and vote at the last local elections; Fulham erecting a statue of paedo pop prince Michael Jackson at their ground. All messed up.

Jens Lehmann is also mad. Mad as a bag of snakes. But Jens re-signing for The Arsenal – at the age of 41 – is really mad. In fact, the world has gone fucking bonkers.

Jens was a great keeper for us – the best we’ve had since Seaman by a mile. He made some incredible saves – and at crucial times. His penalty save in the closing minutes of the 2006 Champions League Semi Final took the club to the brink of European Cup glory for the first ever time. His stunning performance in the 2005 Cup Final brought us our last piece of Silverware. He was the first line of defence in a team that went a whole season unbeaten. There were plenty of other heroic performances too – and you don’t win the trophies he won, with the regularity that he did, unless you’re pretty special.

If Jens returns, I will undoubtedly enjoy seeing his mad pre kick-off head over heels again. I will enjoy his comical outbursts. And I believe he carries the kind of aggression and arrogance this team needs right now.

However, you also have to remember that for every piece of brilliance we saw from Jens, he usually provided two or three moments of pure madness too. Often these jeopardised results – and the last thing our shaky defence needs right now is a keeper who gives away penalties by pushing people over because they are standing next to him.

What’s more, Jens is 41 and hasn’t played at the top level for some time. Did we learn nothing from re-signing Campbell and bringing in Sylvestre? Put simply, old players are rubbish. Pires is rubbish at Villa. Vieira is rubbish at Man City.

Still, if Jens is coming back, we can at least expect a bit excitement, whether it be the good, the bad, or the ugly Jens.

The good:

Arsenal’s route to the 2006 Champions league Final was distinctly un-Arsenal in today’s terms. Cagey one-nil wins and nil-nil draws built around defensive stability were the key and, when that failed, Jens stepped up. An incredible double save in the closing stages of the quarter final set up a semi against Villareal and Jens again stole the show – this time with a dramatic 88th minute penalty save to send Arsenal through.

It wasn’t just in the Champions League that Jens was showing off his ‘good’ that season though, and this fine 86th minute save set up a memorable Old Trafford victory. The third replay towards the end of this clip is the one that really shows Lehmann’s quality.

Jens could certainly be good.

The bad:

Of course, Jens was plenty ‘bad’ as well. Occasionally his antics would prove amusing – seeing him roll over sixteen times holding his toe because someone had stood near him in the lead up to a corner or deliberately missing the ball when a ballboy threw it back to him to waste a bit of time was ok. But too often it turned sinister – the occasional elbow in the back of a striker’s head, arguing with his own defence or stamping on a forward’s foot caused problems many times, not least at WHL in 2004. Cruising to victory and the joy of securing the title at the home of our most bitter rivals, Jens took the law into his own hands and hauled Robbie Keane to the floor for no other reason than he’s an annoying little Irishman. Despite Jens being right about that, the ref awarded a penalty that made the game 2-2. Fortunately it wasn’t enough to stop us winning the title in Spurs’ back yard – but it made for an uncomfortable last few minutes.

And it wasn’t just Keane who felt Jens’ law-enforcement, as this Keystone Caper between him and Drogba demonstrates. What a pair of clowns:

The ugly:

Jens, like most Arsenal keepers, was prone to the occasional mistake, but most of what was ugly about Jens came out of his mouth. He didn’t hold back, and would regularly cause discontent in the camp with comments about his own team mates – once saying of Manuel Almunia: such as: "My coach confirmed to me my impression that he uses a different measuring stick to evaluate Almunia... when I see the performances on the field, I get angry and I have to clench my fist in my pocket."

Of course, something pretty ugly came out of his pants once or twice. This clip of him talking a piss mid-game for Stuttgart makes you glad you the camera wasn’t the other side, doesn’t it.

What a mad world.