Should I stay or should I or go...?

Yesterday’s blog provoked a fair amount of debate (two responses is exactly double the number of responses of any previous post) about who is and who isn’t good enough in the current Arsenal squad.

While I’ll admit I was a bit provocative to include Chamakh and maybe Sagna as ones who should go, the point is this team simply doesn’t have what’s required to make the very top level. Our first 11 is strong, but what comes in when we get injuries – and we get injuries about as often as Premiership footballers get super-injunctions - isn't good enough.

Wenger surely now has to admit that his masterplan will not achieve the desired results. What’s required is a shipping out of those not good enough, replacing them players who have the attributes we lack: leadership, strength and the ability to see out a game.

So who should he keep and who should he sell?

Manuel Almunia

When Almunia retires he will have a lengthy career working kids’ parties. Demand for clowns is much higher there than in football grounds so, although the money isn’t as good, he’ll at least be busy. Far too many errors and the defence no longer has confidence in him – which is the last thing our defence needs.

Sell.

Lukasz Fabianski

Also error prone but, more worryingly, he is small, lacks presence in the box and appears to have wrists about as strong as Ashley Cole’s willpower in a lapdancing bar offering buy-one-get-one-free. May make a decent enough number two ‘keeper. But as for number one…

Sell.

Woijciech Szczesney

Commentators’ nightmare, but our best ‘keeper by some distance. Although he’s prone to the occasional error of judgement – like last night’s penalty, for example – he is still young and already looks like a strong presence in goal. He’s a bit like Miley Cyrus: At the moment, it’s not quite right. But in a few years it will be fine.

Stay.

Laurent Koscielny

Koscielny is quick, which is a good attribute in a centre back, and has excellent games on occasion. However, he also dives in too much and makes bad decisions, meaning he gets booked a lot. Good enough to be at the club, but you’d like to think when all the centrebacks are fit he’d be the one on the bench.

Stay.

Bacary Sagna

With our style of play, you can forgive our fullbacks not being the greatest defenders on the basis that they are good going forward. Sagna used to be a classic example of this. But of late, he’s been too negative going forward – and his defending has deteriorated too. He’s a bit like former-Christian-vocalist-turned-slutty-pop-princess Katy Perry: used to be very good but is now very bad. That said, I accept he has the quality to turn things around.

Stay.

Gael Clichy

When Ashley Cole turned out to be the world’s biggest prick, we all revelled in the fact we could sell him and simply bring through a ready-made replacement. Sadly, Clichy took a dip in form – which has lasted for two-and-a-half fucking years. Clichy will, at least twice in a game, mess around with the ball in his own half to the point that he loses it and gives up a chance.

Sell.

Sebastien Squillaci

Cheap stop-gap buy. Not good enough.

Sell.

Thomas Vermaelan

Vermaelan is the best defender at our club by a mile and scores a few going forward too. However, he gets inured about as often as Gazza wakes up concerned about where his keys and wallet are and wondering why his Hush Puppies are covered in puke. That said, he is the best we have and I look forward to seeing him and Jourou partnering our central defence.

Stay

Johan Durou

See Thomas Vermaelen almost word-for-word.

Stay.

Kieren Gibbs

Yet another injury-prone Arsenal defender, but also another good talent. Got to play more, and should be in the side ahead of Clichy.

Stay.

Emannuel Eboue

Sell. Or give away for free. Or put him down. Or something. But he must not play for this club again.

Sell.

Abou Diaby

One of my more contentious victims yesterday. Diaby had a good game at Spurs, and showed what he can do. The problem is he only does it about one game in five. He’s a bit like Kerry Katona: on paper, it’s all good (blonde, busty pop star). But in reality it’s just all wrong.

Sell.

Cesc Fabregas

Fabregas is, and showed again for 70 minutes against Spurs, the most talented player at Arsenal. Sometimes when he’s out and Wilshere is freed up, I think we don’t miss him that much. Then he comes back, plays passes like he did last night, changes games and shows he is a world-class talent. That’s why it makes this verdict so hard to make. The issue of Fabregas’s future has become a circus bigger than the club. He has become bigger than the club. He could have stopped it, he chose not to, and for that reason…

Sell.

Tomas Rosicky

I feel sorry for Rosicky because like Eduardo and hopefully not Ramsey, he has never been the same player since a horrific year-long injury. No longer makes any kind of impact.

Sell.

Samir Nasri

When Fabregas goes, Nasri will be the big star of this team. He has the potential to be our current-day Robert Pires.

Stay.

Denilson

So fucking bad I forgot to put him down as one we should sell yesterday. His nickname should be ‘The Crab’, because he only ever goes fucking sideways. Had a strong year after Flamini left, and would probably benefit from a run in the team. But he isn’t going to get one…

Sell.

Aaron Ramsey

May never be the same, but hopefully will pick up where he left off. Captain of Wales, but that’s no reason to sell him.

Stay.

Alex Song

Song has improved no end and is a decent enough midfielder. But he always slows the game down when we are moving forward. Wenger should tell him to stay behind the halfway line and only get involved when there’s a tackle to be made. He’s a bit like Cheryl Cole: sometimes it all looks perfect and I can see a long, rosy future for us. While other times I want to rip his fucking throat out and scream in his face until he sees sense.

Stay.

Jack Wilshere

Wislhere is going to be one of England’s greatest ever… chavs. Frequently involved in bust-ups, knocked up his ex-chick at 19 and unable to string a sentence together, Wenger says he is “an intelligent boy”. He is certainly a fucking good footballer and, although he is likely to bring the occasional dark day to the club’s front door via some dodgy front pages, we will have to learn to live with it and appreciate his ability on the field.

Stay.

Andrey Arshaavin

Tricky. A genuine match winner who hasn’t won a match for us in over a year. One more season to prove he can be what he shows too rarely.

Stay.

Rob van Persie

The thing that scares me the most about Robin van Persie is that we will grow impatient of his injuries, sell him, and watch on as he becomes one of the greatest strikers in the world. He is just so, so good on his day, which is pretty frequent when he is fit (which is pretty not frequent).

Stay.

Theo Walcott

It’s not easy playing a game of football after you’ve just driven a Formula One racing car around a track for two hours, which is why Theo probably only ever gives us 45 good minutes in a game. But they are pretty shit hot minutes when he does do it. He is, what they call it on Sky, a great “impact player”.

Stay.

Marouame Chamakh

Had a great first few months at the club, albeit scoring mainly against shit teams at home, and showed real potential. However, we only put high balls in the box when he’s not on the pitch, and he’s gone right off the boil. Doesn’t really look like he can come back from it either.

Sell.

Niklas Bendtner

Now this is tricky too. I think Bendtner is arrogant and sometimes abysmal. But sometimes we need a bit of arrogance, and he’s not always abysmal. Wouldn’t make anyone’s first choice of strikers, but decent enough at mixing things up when he comes on. I’d keep him.
Stay.

Carlos Vela

Never quite made it – and now he’s gone out on loan, he’s probably gone for good.

Sell.

So there you have it. That’s eleven I’d sell (in addition to Lehmann who will retire, Mannone who will never play and Frimpong et al who are just reserves). What that tells me is we have a pretty decent back bone of a side and, by shipping out these players – many of who will generate quite a bit of cash – we have the chance to add some genuinely quality players while staying within our spending principles. Simple enough.

We won't though.